4mths and on.... wow wow wow! time flies like nobody's business!! looking back, i wan time to STOP pleaseeeeeeeee! lol~ really, time flew pass without much notice, at least for me... it has been probably the best and yet one of the most trying periods of my life. juggling sot, ministry, work, assignments, was probably insanity to most~ yet, it has really made the best out of me each day.
recently, it dawns upon me to look at my current form, my past form and my future form. it has really become less of myself and more of others. more of placing others before my own desires and needs. yes, i still have my 'selfish' wants but yet, it seemed more easier to cast them aside as compared to the past. the tendency to get worked up becomes less. rather, at the moment, it is indefinite to become indifferent but i start to wonder if there was another way that i could have went wrong. lol~ feels nostalgic...
life really's gotta be progressive.. i ponder so much that i become worrisome about my future after sot and other things that i can sapped in this recent weeks but god has never failed to comfort me despite my stubbornness... really, as you begin to pour yourself out and give, like how the word says that water and you'll be watered, just prove to be so true. still, i craved very very much for a clear direction of what's after... this life, lets make it count, to live a life of legacy... ultimately, we all have certain desires and dreams and we badly sought and fight for but, what is really next when we fulfill them? people pursue money, status, fame, success, career, family etc. yet, what happens after that? maybe to some, it is farfetched to even ponder about this, but we just haf to put on our visionary binoculars to look ahead. maybe then, one may realise that it is more than all this... we all have this insatiable nature within us and we're unable to fill them with a true purpose, it will be more of money after you gotten money, more of status after you gotten status, so on. the main key, is to leave a legacy, and its up to each of us to define that...
as my pursuit to step up to my next level, i just want to remain sober of what makes me to be. i know i've been given much and thus, with the little i have, i trust that it will be made much. but no matter how insignificant it seems to most now, the vital point is to keep on keeping on-which is the hardest part. sometimes, it can be seemed a folly, but as long the very godly peace is in my heart, its worth it... our humanistic behaviour tells me is dumb to wait and its really tough to be patient but if i rashly rush in, maybe it will be yet another loop i needa go again to move forward... i agree with pst that as we mature, we really learn to pace ourselves better, or rather, slower because god is not in the wind, nor fire nor earthquake, but in the still small voice, reserved for those who wait on Him.
yes, i admit im inadequate, im afraid, very afraid somemore, extremely intimidated but yet, looking back, no god, no joshua, no nothing....
Friday, June 24, 2011
when you look me in the eyes
If the heart is always searching,
Can you ever find a home?
I've been looking for that someone,
I'll never make it on my own.
Dreams can't take the place of loving you,
There's gotta be a million reasons why it's true
When you look me in the eyes,
And tell me that you love me.
Everything's alright,
When you're right here by my side.
When you look me in the eyes,
I catch a glimpse of heaven.
I find my paradise,
When you look me in the eyes.
How long will I be waiting,
To be with you again
Gonna tell you that I love you,
In the best way that I can.
I can't take a day without you here,
You're the light that makes my darkness disappear.
More and more, I start to realize,
I can reach my tomorrow,
I can hold my head high,
And it's all because you're by my side.
Monday, April 25, 2011
i was just chilling out ytd night sleeping in for many many hours aft going for a small mini gathering cum celebration at CM-PB at dempsey. then i was reading something that caught my attention even later i saw something shocking! @.@
okok, taking the explicit matter aside, the heart of the matter was it amazes one that despite failures, strengths can be retained and flaws can be reduced or cast aside bit by bit. i saw a beautiful story foretold which touched me. like i shared earlier on, despite all in all, nothing in me will change the way i will ever heart the woman i hold. it was more magical was that the person wrote in a manner that surpasses," i will never ever let go..." a love that gives will bring about such revelation to one...
i wrote on my fb on sat aft my convo coz it dawned upon me when i saw a note that "some people are just around to rub shoulders with you but there are also those who are willing to go with you through it all..." i vividly remembered that once, someone having received much, not having to pay back his/her gratitude, sought to take yet again. i don't know what was going through the mindset but yet, it only further sadden or disappointed me. seeing such a situation, it only brought a sense of despair because even though there're givers and receivers in this world, there's also the term that what goes around will come around... without remorse, i will say that though we were all strangers to begin with, the saddest part will be having to return to a state of that beginning.
as i graduate, i will want to hold on to the bonds i treasure when i told my close mates that if we don't upkeep the friendships/relationships, it will be lost over time. i think it was through thick and thin, we value one another. an atmosphere of celebration hid a tinge of sombre feeling. those that weren't really close ties suddenly became valuable (apart from those really hi-bye to begin with). thanks and gratitude were exchanged but not casually because who knows when will we cross paths again...
our human selfish nature really deteriorated our society and how we treat one another... sometimes, even being taught to love in our own religion, we still cant escape this fact that we take people for granted. we choose to pick 'fire-fighting' instead of prevention and later realise that maybe it was too late after all? what to do? if only i chose to heart wisdom but given so, having more wisdom, to me at least, can be a scary part but still i will still want more wisdom because i really so much want to do the right things, say the right things at the right time.
I learnt that its really much easier to trust in what's convenient and easiest thing at hand to use it but probably it will not yield the best results but still get the job done. but maybe if i be still and wait and ponder, it will help... thus when people say they will not be like so and so, its really easier said than done and we're all guilty of this matter. because sometimes, certain things have been ingrained into us and we commit the same old mistakes that others have done before and we wonder why (if we ever realise).
really, let us, at least for me, to learn to CHOOSE LOVE... at least the motivation will set forth a new dimension... on sat, my buddy insisted that its firm that im the one at fault when something went wrong some time back. it was easy to want to defend but i said without a second thought that yup, regardless what, its my fault despite that eagerness to prove my point. without a doubt, despite so, if i choose love, though in the eyes of everyone that i was wrong, it will be alright because god is judge and not me. we want to prove a million points and seriously, whatever to our points and crap. why try so hard!?!? if my motivation was love, that says it all... one day, the account is answered not to man and even i try so hard, it amounts to nothing... Let's choose love...
okok, taking the explicit matter aside, the heart of the matter was it amazes one that despite failures, strengths can be retained and flaws can be reduced or cast aside bit by bit. i saw a beautiful story foretold which touched me. like i shared earlier on, despite all in all, nothing in me will change the way i will ever heart the woman i hold. it was more magical was that the person wrote in a manner that surpasses," i will never ever let go..." a love that gives will bring about such revelation to one...
i wrote on my fb on sat aft my convo coz it dawned upon me when i saw a note that "some people are just around to rub shoulders with you but there are also those who are willing to go with you through it all..." i vividly remembered that once, someone having received much, not having to pay back his/her gratitude, sought to take yet again. i don't know what was going through the mindset but yet, it only further sadden or disappointed me. seeing such a situation, it only brought a sense of despair because even though there're givers and receivers in this world, there's also the term that what goes around will come around... without remorse, i will say that though we were all strangers to begin with, the saddest part will be having to return to a state of that beginning.
as i graduate, i will want to hold on to the bonds i treasure when i told my close mates that if we don't upkeep the friendships/relationships, it will be lost over time. i think it was through thick and thin, we value one another. an atmosphere of celebration hid a tinge of sombre feeling. those that weren't really close ties suddenly became valuable (apart from those really hi-bye to begin with). thanks and gratitude were exchanged but not casually because who knows when will we cross paths again...
our human selfish nature really deteriorated our society and how we treat one another... sometimes, even being taught to love in our own religion, we still cant escape this fact that we take people for granted. we choose to pick 'fire-fighting' instead of prevention and later realise that maybe it was too late after all? what to do? if only i chose to heart wisdom but given so, having more wisdom, to me at least, can be a scary part but still i will still want more wisdom because i really so much want to do the right things, say the right things at the right time.
I learnt that its really much easier to trust in what's convenient and easiest thing at hand to use it but probably it will not yield the best results but still get the job done. but maybe if i be still and wait and ponder, it will help... thus when people say they will not be like so and so, its really easier said than done and we're all guilty of this matter. because sometimes, certain things have been ingrained into us and we commit the same old mistakes that others have done before and we wonder why (if we ever realise).
really, let us, at least for me, to learn to CHOOSE LOVE... at least the motivation will set forth a new dimension... on sat, my buddy insisted that its firm that im the one at fault when something went wrong some time back. it was easy to want to defend but i said without a second thought that yup, regardless what, its my fault despite that eagerness to prove my point. without a doubt, despite so, if i choose love, though in the eyes of everyone that i was wrong, it will be alright because god is judge and not me. we want to prove a million points and seriously, whatever to our points and crap. why try so hard!?!? if my motivation was love, that says it all... one day, the account is answered not to man and even i try so hard, it amounts to nothing... Let's choose love...
Saturday, April 23, 2011
Milestone
Commonly, lately, I've been seeing people doing Reflections on their lives and of course, they're always beautiful works and words that exemplify their 'story so far'. Thus, entering 2011 2nd quarter, I've seeing milestones or reflections of my life. This has been thus far a little tipsy turvy road but yet a road filled with god's awesome hand and works of grace and blessing, at least for my menial life.
Moving into 2011, has brought about great intensity, rashness but yet grace abounded when all seemed to be in a slur. March, church moving her 3rd milestone of possessing the land of Suntec, brought huge applauses and resounding sounds of thunder and triumph which was a sight to behold and though many saw the celebration, really, how many people went through the plow and to see their tears and hard work in the field to see this awesome splendor. People who put in, will really have the deepest heartfelt love and joy in this momentous event. Though Ive not done much or barely, I saw how pastor went through the depths of the pit and betrayal and all forms of attack from every pOssible directions. Myself, having doing through a similar phase but not as this severity, could somewhat relate and seeing him sharing the little experiences with us in SOT, only brought me to my kneels to always learn that I'm just a meagre being. But if we learn to lean on Him, it becomes big coz you suddenly become a huge part.
Going to SOT has been incredible. Discipline is the main key to success. 2mths into this and I never feel an ounce of boredom nor dryness... Having gone through 4.5 years of part time studies whilst working, I thought I could manage it well but it's I thought better kind of thing. Lol~ easier said than done seriously. Thus far, I love school, mates and god even more coz Im taught of His unconditional love and sacrifice..
Finally, milestone no.1, today, I'm attending my university convocation! My heartfelt thanks to all that made it possible. It aren't easy but still, we pushed through! 2.5years diploma, 2years university! All those who made it possible, thank you. Of course, I thank a special someone that encouraged me to pursue this road of academics but sadly, unable to stay special but still, baby steps are important. Thanks too! ;) lastly I thank my god to see me through this 4.5 years and yet, unchanging, unfailing... Long but worth it!
Moving into 2011, has brought about great intensity, rashness but yet grace abounded when all seemed to be in a slur. March, church moving her 3rd milestone of possessing the land of Suntec, brought huge applauses and resounding sounds of thunder and triumph which was a sight to behold and though many saw the celebration, really, how many people went through the plow and to see their tears and hard work in the field to see this awesome splendor. People who put in, will really have the deepest heartfelt love and joy in this momentous event. Though Ive not done much or barely, I saw how pastor went through the depths of the pit and betrayal and all forms of attack from every pOssible directions. Myself, having doing through a similar phase but not as this severity, could somewhat relate and seeing him sharing the little experiences with us in SOT, only brought me to my kneels to always learn that I'm just a meagre being. But if we learn to lean on Him, it becomes big coz you suddenly become a huge part.
Going to SOT has been incredible. Discipline is the main key to success. 2mths into this and I never feel an ounce of boredom nor dryness... Having gone through 4.5 years of part time studies whilst working, I thought I could manage it well but it's I thought better kind of thing. Lol~ easier said than done seriously. Thus far, I love school, mates and god even more coz Im taught of His unconditional love and sacrifice..
Finally, milestone no.1, today, I'm attending my university convocation! My heartfelt thanks to all that made it possible. It aren't easy but still, we pushed through! 2.5years diploma, 2years university! All those who made it possible, thank you. Of course, I thank a special someone that encouraged me to pursue this road of academics but sadly, unable to stay special but still, baby steps are important. Thanks too! ;) lastly I thank my god to see me through this 4.5 years and yet, unchanging, unfailing... Long but worth it!
Sunday, April 17, 2011
You Are For Me
YouTube - You Are For Me - Kari Jobe: "
So faithful
So constant
So loving and so true
So powerful in all you do
You fill me
You see me
You know my every move
and you love for me to sing to you
I know that you are for me
I know that you are for me
I know that you will never forsake me in my weakness
I know that you have come now, even if to write upon my heart
to remind me who you are
So patient So gracious
So merciful and true
So wonderful in all you do "
if music is the only thing left, it will be best tool to express to out feelings. the chorus burns deeply because even when we're weak, we can find strength. when we go thru valley experiences, we can still push thru and forward. to go through pruning thats only for our own good so we can only become better in the lord. i love god because i will fail, men will fail, we all will fail, our achievements will fail but He remains faithful and true. He's not a theology, not one that we cannot touch or feel. yet, in His sovereignty, He came to meet with us. to learn that nothing in this world attracts me anymore but only to live for His desires. nothing i sought will give me the satisfaction anymore because its only futile and neverending dissatisfaction after another. my friend told me that she's too nice and naive and her friends cant believe she's like that but amidst that, it dawn upon me that love propels us to do great "exploits" because Genuine love is real and true; one that doesnt lie or seek its own. what i can say, it causes one to do what's foolish in the eyes of others but beautiful in the sight of her beloved and herself. a love so true that only god has, to die for you and me. a god thats jealous for us to return to Him ultimately. i don't know if my love is true enough for Him but im learning. and i know that as i yield my own crown, it will become an everlasting love. if i have a chance to love someone again, this is still what i sought to. a love thats only true...
So faithful
So constant
So loving and so true
So powerful in all you do
You fill me
You see me
You know my every move
and you love for me to sing to you
I know that you are for me
I know that you are for me
I know that you will never forsake me in my weakness
I know that you have come now, even if to write upon my heart
to remind me who you are
So patient So gracious
So merciful and true
So wonderful in all you do "
if music is the only thing left, it will be best tool to express to out feelings. the chorus burns deeply because even when we're weak, we can find strength. when we go thru valley experiences, we can still push thru and forward. to go through pruning thats only for our own good so we can only become better in the lord. i love god because i will fail, men will fail, we all will fail, our achievements will fail but He remains faithful and true. He's not a theology, not one that we cannot touch or feel. yet, in His sovereignty, He came to meet with us. to learn that nothing in this world attracts me anymore but only to live for His desires. nothing i sought will give me the satisfaction anymore because its only futile and neverending dissatisfaction after another. my friend told me that she's too nice and naive and her friends cant believe she's like that but amidst that, it dawn upon me that love propels us to do great "exploits" because Genuine love is real and true; one that doesnt lie or seek its own. what i can say, it causes one to do what's foolish in the eyes of others but beautiful in the sight of her beloved and herself. a love so true that only god has, to die for you and me. a god thats jealous for us to return to Him ultimately. i don't know if my love is true enough for Him but im learning. and i know that as i yield my own crown, it will become an everlasting love. if i have a chance to love someone again, this is still what i sought to. a love thats only true...
Monday, April 4, 2011
passion
mon!!! finally, the drag is over >,< tiring... today, i was sitting in office calling den at abt 4+ before my meeting, i was just browsing through some video, as i browse through them, suddenly, it ignited a passion when i was abt 18...
i dunno why but whenever i see dance movies, videos, street dance or performance, there's just something in me that's being stirred... i still remember one of my bestie who was together with me when i was in choir (donkey years ago), went to join the church dance ministry and after he got in, i asked him about the audition and stuff. after he related to me how the audition went, i felt really intimidated... i always wondered if i had the groove, the vibes and the ability to pursue this thing called, Dance. after when i went NS, i was influenced by my mates to go clubbing and honestly speaking, i enjoyed it. the booze really helped me to realise my energy on the dancefloor though i strongly felt i was simply making a fool out of myself.
jus last year, someone close chanced upon me dancing despite me seldom stroding my clumsy moves and started questioning if i frequent clubs and if i often dance with girls :x i was confident whenever i had a glass or two but never really felt confident of myself showing to others unless they were really close to me and even so, i still had much reserves. this thought din linger much till last year end and most recently, for my company event. i shan't say much about it lest people think i boast >,< but they really gave me much encouragement in believing i had the flair for dancing. tho i dunno why or how, but it really felt good and i really feel like dancing and be trained to do so to better be equipped... i begin to think how can i improve the team's dance and how i wanna make things more creative and attractive. today, i just do not know why, but i went to the church website to see if there were still dance ministry despite us moving this ministry into a more professional platform, O school; taught by real professionals. it really excite me and i spoke to my colleague who encouraged me to do so as im not young anymore and that term alone kinda incited my "wrath" haha, to give it in a more serious thought.
thinking now, many people express their frustrations, feelings, emotions and heart through many avenues and dance is truly one of them. sometimes as i begin to pick up my guitar and sing, there can be a point that you feel that you stagnate and cant push higher. yet when i begin to dance, even on a small platform, it really feels good. it feels that those emotions that you cant show it through words being expressed out in actions and yet, gracefully... something where u mix ballet with hip-hop, a tinge of grace with a groove to it...
im still thinking of it and i remember a beautiful person wanting to pursue ballet again although it may seem difficult but still, if possible, and proper time managment, i really think its possible! ballet, beautiful, graceful, even the ugly duckling will evolve into a beautiful white swan... where boundaries are meant to be broken because you are the main character if you feel you are it. our agendas and pursuits in life thats shaped by the mediocracy of this world. i think ultimately, we all have just one life to live, make it count, worthwhile and lets not have any regrets :) peace.
tomorrow will be better, gambatte :Pp
i dunno why but whenever i see dance movies, videos, street dance or performance, there's just something in me that's being stirred... i still remember one of my bestie who was together with me when i was in choir (donkey years ago), went to join the church dance ministry and after he got in, i asked him about the audition and stuff. after he related to me how the audition went, i felt really intimidated... i always wondered if i had the groove, the vibes and the ability to pursue this thing called, Dance. after when i went NS, i was influenced by my mates to go clubbing and honestly speaking, i enjoyed it. the booze really helped me to realise my energy on the dancefloor though i strongly felt i was simply making a fool out of myself.
jus last year, someone close chanced upon me dancing despite me seldom stroding my clumsy moves and started questioning if i frequent clubs and if i often dance with girls :x i was confident whenever i had a glass or two but never really felt confident of myself showing to others unless they were really close to me and even so, i still had much reserves. this thought din linger much till last year end and most recently, for my company event. i shan't say much about it lest people think i boast >,< but they really gave me much encouragement in believing i had the flair for dancing. tho i dunno why or how, but it really felt good and i really feel like dancing and be trained to do so to better be equipped... i begin to think how can i improve the team's dance and how i wanna make things more creative and attractive. today, i just do not know why, but i went to the church website to see if there were still dance ministry despite us moving this ministry into a more professional platform, O school; taught by real professionals. it really excite me and i spoke to my colleague who encouraged me to do so as im not young anymore and that term alone kinda incited my "wrath" haha, to give it in a more serious thought.
thinking now, many people express their frustrations, feelings, emotions and heart through many avenues and dance is truly one of them. sometimes as i begin to pick up my guitar and sing, there can be a point that you feel that you stagnate and cant push higher. yet when i begin to dance, even on a small platform, it really feels good. it feels that those emotions that you cant show it through words being expressed out in actions and yet, gracefully... something where u mix ballet with hip-hop, a tinge of grace with a groove to it...
im still thinking of it and i remember a beautiful person wanting to pursue ballet again although it may seem difficult but still, if possible, and proper time managment, i really think its possible! ballet, beautiful, graceful, even the ugly duckling will evolve into a beautiful white swan... where boundaries are meant to be broken because you are the main character if you feel you are it. our agendas and pursuits in life thats shaped by the mediocracy of this world. i think ultimately, we all have just one life to live, make it count, worthwhile and lets not have any regrets :) peace.
tomorrow will be better, gambatte :Pp
Sunday, April 3, 2011
being faithful
sometimes a small argument allows one to set him/her thinking in depth. to recognise the core causes or issues in play. thinking though, i ponder again on Faithfulness and decided to search up the web for a full definition of it
Faithfulness Define Faithfulness at Dictionary.com: "1. strict or thorough in the performance of duty: a faithful worker. 2. true to one's word, promises, vows, etc. 3. steady in allegiance or affection; loyal; constant: faithful friends. 4. reliable, trusted, or believed. 5. adhering or true to fact, a standard, or an original; accurate: a faithful account; a faithful copy. 6. Obsolete . full of faith; believing."
Faithfulness: "Faithfulness : [ < Latin fides < assumed Indo-European bheidh- (to trust, have faith in, abide in)] The quality of being faithful. The word 'faithful' means loyal, full of faith or trust; firmly and resolutely sticking with a person, group, cause, belief, or idea, without waver."
looking through those definitions, and abstracted from the Latin translation, we see both are synonymous and i especially like the words by the Latin translation without waver.
constant or being consistent is the key to bringing stability. sometimes, if i could, i really hate it to be the bad guy in the story just to paint a clearer picture or bring the truth more blatantly to another person. we all have different sets of beliefs, values, perspectives and principles; yet it brings to my reminiscence of the world is one and you are one with it. irrational as one may seem or different; yet, using a critical analysis to resolve problems but with experience and maturity, ive learnt that there're times, i would rather sought to use a way that someone has used before and appeals to me to resolve an issue. therefore, listening is called an art because anyone can hear. moving on, there're times, many things are not so easy spoken out given the change in the situation and/or circumstances. even so, practising wisdom, the need to view one's position before reacting will certainly bring about greater management of a difficult situation.
sometimes, after much hurt is done, what's left is only 2 choices, to make amendments or simply ignore it as if nothing has happened and move on. if the former is chosen, for myself who went through, i only know one thing is for sure is, the need to really humble myself and constantly consciously remind myself of what im doing this for and the goal i seek. of course, choosing the latter, its indeed the easiest way out but, even so, god is a impartial god. one day, whatever we sow will surely reap and you'll have to learn to overcome either early or later in life. but so, it is easier to sought restitution or reconciliation early because, the wise is meek and humble and chooses the righteous way. no man is perfect still, but yet, the need to constantly reflect and think things through will help us to become better people. as i sought to forgive and forget, and yet, it takes time and patience and wisdom from the other party (if any) to show remorse, repentence, change, willing to make things right and love, to cover the past. one thing for sure is, the past is meant to be forgotten and forgiven but also serves as a reminder to never drop into the same pithole and make the same mistakes, otherwise, nothing has changed. you are still the same yesterday.
if one is eager, she will be willing. a willing attitude will give you 5 things:
a) Willingness releases the Ability in you to do the job.
b) Willingness gives you tremendous Energy.
c) Willingness brings with it Strategies.
d) Willingness makes you Teachable.
e) Willingness brings you the Blessings of god.
why do i constantly reiterate the importnace of faithfulness, humility, meekness and teachability? this is because, the cornerstone of a person's character is Faithfulness and respect is not mandated but it is really earned. one day, as you begin to move up in life, it is not about you ability to command people to work, but its really what you can do even more for your employees or subordinates. thats y, our attitude determines our altitude. the higher we go, the need to be even more willing to serve. our gifts and talents will usher us promotion but it take character to stay up there.
honestly speaking, having a better character is not for my own sake but should be everyone's goal to become a person of character. im longwinded but because i believe the need to be wise with my words, thinking and actions. you may think im selfish, im harsh but really, why do i bring myself to your level and compare? and really, i rather you come to my level and learn... its fun if someone walks together. there's no need for small mentalities but its important to grow at similar rates...
Faithfulness Define Faithfulness at Dictionary.com: "1. strict or thorough in the performance of duty: a faithful worker. 2. true to one's word, promises, vows, etc. 3. steady in allegiance or affection; loyal; constant: faithful friends. 4. reliable, trusted, or believed. 5. adhering or true to fact, a standard, or an original; accurate: a faithful account; a faithful copy. 6. Obsolete . full of faith; believing."
Faithfulness: "Faithfulness : [ < Latin fides < assumed Indo-European bheidh- (to trust, have faith in, abide in)] The quality of being faithful. The word 'faithful' means loyal, full of faith or trust; firmly and resolutely sticking with a person, group, cause, belief, or idea, without waver."
looking through those definitions, and abstracted from the Latin translation, we see both are synonymous and i especially like the words by the Latin translation without waver.
constant or being consistent is the key to bringing stability. sometimes, if i could, i really hate it to be the bad guy in the story just to paint a clearer picture or bring the truth more blatantly to another person. we all have different sets of beliefs, values, perspectives and principles; yet it brings to my reminiscence of the world is one and you are one with it. irrational as one may seem or different; yet, using a critical analysis to resolve problems but with experience and maturity, ive learnt that there're times, i would rather sought to use a way that someone has used before and appeals to me to resolve an issue. therefore, listening is called an art because anyone can hear. moving on, there're times, many things are not so easy spoken out given the change in the situation and/or circumstances. even so, practising wisdom, the need to view one's position before reacting will certainly bring about greater management of a difficult situation.
sometimes, after much hurt is done, what's left is only 2 choices, to make amendments or simply ignore it as if nothing has happened and move on. if the former is chosen, for myself who went through, i only know one thing is for sure is, the need to really humble myself and constantly consciously remind myself of what im doing this for and the goal i seek. of course, choosing the latter, its indeed the easiest way out but, even so, god is a impartial god. one day, whatever we sow will surely reap and you'll have to learn to overcome either early or later in life. but so, it is easier to sought restitution or reconciliation early because, the wise is meek and humble and chooses the righteous way. no man is perfect still, but yet, the need to constantly reflect and think things through will help us to become better people. as i sought to forgive and forget, and yet, it takes time and patience and wisdom from the other party (if any) to show remorse, repentence, change, willing to make things right and love, to cover the past. one thing for sure is, the past is meant to be forgotten and forgiven but also serves as a reminder to never drop into the same pithole and make the same mistakes, otherwise, nothing has changed. you are still the same yesterday.
if one is eager, she will be willing. a willing attitude will give you 5 things:
a) Willingness releases the Ability in you to do the job.
b) Willingness gives you tremendous Energy.
c) Willingness brings with it Strategies.
d) Willingness makes you Teachable.
e) Willingness brings you the Blessings of god.
why do i constantly reiterate the importnace of faithfulness, humility, meekness and teachability? this is because, the cornerstone of a person's character is Faithfulness and respect is not mandated but it is really earned. one day, as you begin to move up in life, it is not about you ability to command people to work, but its really what you can do even more for your employees or subordinates. thats y, our attitude determines our altitude. the higher we go, the need to be even more willing to serve. our gifts and talents will usher us promotion but it take character to stay up there.
honestly speaking, having a better character is not for my own sake but should be everyone's goal to become a person of character. im longwinded but because i believe the need to be wise with my words, thinking and actions. you may think im selfish, im harsh but really, why do i bring myself to your level and compare? and really, i rather you come to my level and learn... its fun if someone walks together. there's no need for small mentalities but its important to grow at similar rates...
Breaking Through
woah~ so long never blog liao~ guilty sia~ i wonder for a moment where my faithfulness went :X maybe i got no more supporters liao boohoo~ :( so many things changed and right now, its 22days away from my Uni convocation... time really flies and now even though after graduation n moving on a new phase, its simple incredible and unimaginable... im excited because, honestly, we all know, people move on to achieve their own success stories of their life, probably, it will be final time we can gather in such a time as this. i used to think what success mean and often, i hear a few of my friends asking me to define what success will mean. today, success often is being defined as having a high-flying job, well-remunerated job, a happy family, have big cars and big houses and so on. we really have our own definition of success and this will give us the motivation to move towards that direction we see ourselves going. for me, since a few years ago, i stongly believe for myself, success meant replicating myself and impacting the lives of others. often or even if you are reading, many will think alike that it sounds nonsensical or even rubbishly too full of myself. i don't know how or where to start but i always believe that success is making people feel success. seeing others able to achieve great heights, somewhat seems more fulfilling than me really being in that position of theirs. i used to think that if one day i become a high-flyer earning tons of money, i will be really happy. and yet, i find that thats not what i really want. no doubt that im confident of making a mark in life but yet, if given a choice, i think i rather be a mentor and help to others to guide them to their dreams. seeing people lives change has always make me happier than life itself. i don't believe that i will be happier if i led a selfish, self-centered life whereby i only live for me and myself and only I. even if people think that im foolish but who are they to judge? thus, taking a huge leap to take up a entirely bold step of faith into SOT was something i look forward to. everyday, maybe its a drag to wake up at 6am, but everyday, i have brand new insights, encounters, knowledge/information, revelations. my character and core values are constantly being challenged. my flaws are being brought out and tested. to my amazement, i only realize how weak i am, how incapable i am and how foolish i am and can be. and yet, through it all, i know i can lean on God's strength. taking a step at a time helps me to focus on strengthening my strengths and reducing my errs which i commonly fall in. and even so, it has been so trying at times to crucify my weakness and my carnal mind/flesh. during the beginning, i felt very strong in my spirit that this 2011 will be a time of breakthrough and a big one although im not sure of what it is and yet, moving on next week, a confirmation thru a prophesy and word of wisdom helped to reconfirm that feeling that was put into me. "Change, Wait, what you've been waiting for will be restored." these words really resurrected me and gave me life. i remembered few months ago, i gave away my vision and yet these words touched me deeply and im just simply withe gratitude to god... sometimes we think that we did foolish things that maybe god wont forgive us but yet, so often, god is simply waiting for us to return back to Him, just like the story of the prodigal son. i just love the story and how god exemplifies His grace and love for us even though we are rebellious and selfish. thinking it through, i only know that ive made the right decision and to sacifice and devote this 6mths even if many thinks im foolish. ultimately, im in it and not them, thus they probably will never know what it feels like. one word: Amazing.
Monday, March 14, 2011
Friday, January 21, 2011
the story so far
going through trials, challenges, tests and uncountable issues has time and time again test us. it has never been easy and sometimes it makes him wonder if everything is meant to be? he looked with envy whenever he walk down streets at others and wonder why is everything so difficult and so hard and near impossible. yes, he couldnt agree more with her that the issues they faced supercede (see the enforced word) the happy moments they share. indeed every individual is unique and definitely different but those challenges they often faced, prove to be more of a stumbling block and each time, it gets harder to overcome...
even so, many a times, even a compromise seems like a challenge. both of them, equally hotheaded, stubborn, easily-irritable... omg~ character clashed? seems like what u will get in a movie huh? lol~ ultimately, the world will only become a better place if you or me exclude ourselves right? since this way it will move towards perfection. we are all imperfect beings after all! still, the smile on her face wipes off every sadness and disappointments. the smile that dawns upon the stars. threatens to put all fear and despair at bay... (i love to use an apple a day, keeps the doctor at bay - a smile a day, keeps the pressure away! :p) anyway, given the imperfection they both faced, its inevitable that frictions will spark. ultimately, y win the battle if one will only lose the war?
moving in tat direction, slowly but surely, his female counterpart seeks to change to gain his approval but change is such a drag... he feels uptight, scared, fearful but deep down, a stir to hope against all hopes, to believe amidst all unbelief, to have faith even when all has failed again and again. the woman, to keep on improving and change, to wan to show herself worthy, to prove herself like a champ... both stumbles when the expectation and the stakes gets really high... both are experts in their fields but why cant they get out of the fix they always drop into? why have i went wrong? they both begin to wonder with no answers in mind... lost, disillusioned, detached and the space between them grows...
she wants to be a keeper, yet dont know how to? given all that pride, she holds back... why would she be following her damn brain and not her heart? the opposite happens for him!! argh~ clash yet again... yet both know deep down, the immerse feelings that draws strength for one another... it arent easy huh? he wonders because, her smile, her tenacity, her charm, her hands is his everything already... unknown to himself, she has become part of him... likewise for her, suddenly, reality strikes and he becomes constant on her mind as well... ultimatly, the real test for both of them has yet to come... sometimes both of them wonder, where's our honeymoon? OFTEN PPL SAY, honeymoon is part 1, clashes are part 2 but why are they in part 2? weird huh... still, love propels us to try again and again. thats y its still the greatest of them all along faith and hope.
god is interesting and his ways are higher than everyone's... working to please one another can b tough and thus we all have issues with one another. we avoid them but they come n hunt n cling on us... we are all "tuned" to judge, assume quickly because its how our world is shaped, yet, if we take time slowly, we may see the beauty in each other. what other people's real intentions are... if ppl we hold close to and have known for awhile, still carries the same hostility like strangers, have we spent the time to know each other gone futile? understanding and listening needs to go hand in hand to become active listening. even so, our head processes faster than the other person's speech. maybe in return of listening, ourselves can learn something new? something that we ourselves can incorporate? sometimes we can avoid? if one has to be stubborn, it would really be worth if he/she is stubborn for the right reasons, a reason, you know you are willing to give up or die for. this makes you and me a person who has an attitude, the right kind. at least, we are remembered for a worthy cause.
even so, many a times, even a compromise seems like a challenge. both of them, equally hotheaded, stubborn, easily-irritable... omg~ character clashed? seems like what u will get in a movie huh? lol~ ultimately, the world will only become a better place if you or me exclude ourselves right? since this way it will move towards perfection. we are all imperfect beings after all! still, the smile on her face wipes off every sadness and disappointments. the smile that dawns upon the stars. threatens to put all fear and despair at bay... (i love to use an apple a day, keeps the doctor at bay - a smile a day, keeps the pressure away! :p) anyway, given the imperfection they both faced, its inevitable that frictions will spark. ultimately, y win the battle if one will only lose the war?
moving in tat direction, slowly but surely, his female counterpart seeks to change to gain his approval but change is such a drag... he feels uptight, scared, fearful but deep down, a stir to hope against all hopes, to believe amidst all unbelief, to have faith even when all has failed again and again. the woman, to keep on improving and change, to wan to show herself worthy, to prove herself like a champ... both stumbles when the expectation and the stakes gets really high... both are experts in their fields but why cant they get out of the fix they always drop into? why have i went wrong? they both begin to wonder with no answers in mind... lost, disillusioned, detached and the space between them grows...
she wants to be a keeper, yet dont know how to? given all that pride, she holds back... why would she be following her damn brain and not her heart? the opposite happens for him!! argh~ clash yet again... yet both know deep down, the immerse feelings that draws strength for one another... it arent easy huh? he wonders because, her smile, her tenacity, her charm, her hands is his everything already... unknown to himself, she has become part of him... likewise for her, suddenly, reality strikes and he becomes constant on her mind as well... ultimatly, the real test for both of them has yet to come... sometimes both of them wonder, where's our honeymoon? OFTEN PPL SAY, honeymoon is part 1, clashes are part 2 but why are they in part 2? weird huh... still, love propels us to try again and again. thats y its still the greatest of them all along faith and hope.
god is interesting and his ways are higher than everyone's... working to please one another can b tough and thus we all have issues with one another. we avoid them but they come n hunt n cling on us... we are all "tuned" to judge, assume quickly because its how our world is shaped, yet, if we take time slowly, we may see the beauty in each other. what other people's real intentions are... if ppl we hold close to and have known for awhile, still carries the same hostility like strangers, have we spent the time to know each other gone futile? understanding and listening needs to go hand in hand to become active listening. even so, our head processes faster than the other person's speech. maybe in return of listening, ourselves can learn something new? something that we ourselves can incorporate? sometimes we can avoid? if one has to be stubborn, it would really be worth if he/she is stubborn for the right reasons, a reason, you know you are willing to give up or die for. this makes you and me a person who has an attitude, the right kind. at least, we are remembered for a worthy cause.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Who am I
Who am I? That the Lord of all the earth,
Would care to know my name, Would care to feel my hurt.
Who am I? That the bright and morning star,
Would choose to light the way, For my ever wondering heart.
Not because of who I am. But because of what you've done.
Not because of what I've done. But because of who you are.
I am a flower quickly fading, Here today and gone tomorrow.
A wave tossed in the ocean, A vapor in the wind.
Still you hear me when I'm calling, Lord you catch me when I'm falling,
And you told me who I am.
I am yours.
I am yours.
Who am I? That the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love And watch me rise again
Who am I? That the voice that calm the sea,
Would call out through the rain, And calm the storm in me.
Not because of who I am. But because what of youve done.
Not because of what I've done. But because of who you are.
Would care to know my name, Would care to feel my hurt.
Who am I? That the bright and morning star,
Would choose to light the way, For my ever wondering heart.
Not because of who I am. But because of what you've done.
Not because of what I've done. But because of who you are.
I am a flower quickly fading, Here today and gone tomorrow.
A wave tossed in the ocean, A vapor in the wind.
Still you hear me when I'm calling, Lord you catch me when I'm falling,
And you told me who I am.
I am yours.
I am yours.
Who am I? That the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love And watch me rise again
Who am I? That the voice that calm the sea,
Would call out through the rain, And calm the storm in me.
Not because of who I am. But because what of youve done.
Not because of what I've done. But because of who you are.
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Precious
sometimes have everything become like a norm that we become complacent, expecting that it will and always be the same way, like a norm and not realizing that we have unknowingly taking things for granted already...
so much as companies offered discounts and sales to boast profit margins, locally, it has become a norm that w/o sales, the numbers tend to dwindle and today, even myself, i look forward to IT fairs for buys. reason being, that it is imbued into us that the notion itself 'sales' is what we look for commonly to give us a better reason to buy.
even so said, treating gestures and kindness of others, which are given out of love and concern, as a norm because it has always been there unchanging and consistent, is something that shouldn't been committed. at times, that complacency will bound to sip in given the fact that we're all humans but time to time, we needa put a conscious effort to review ourselves if we've done in a similar capacity to deserve these gestures showered upon us. for whatever we sow, we will surely reap. give and it will surely be given back, good measures pressed down, shaken together and running over.
and so, even so said, all of us are guilty from time to time in committing this error. some of us, with such goodness overflowing, continue to want even more without looking what we can offer ourselves. "you can give without loving, but can never love without giving", how true is this saying... and when the goodness begins to flow away from us, we begin to doubt, question or even feel betrayed. maybe we should stand in the mirror and look at ourselves and ponder, did i go wrong in any ways; or is there anything that i could have done or done more.
as i begin to ponder on this fact, it came to my remembrances a hard truth that was told to be by my brother," life is like a piece of painting, we are creating our own painting. people that come into our lives are here to add strokes to this life-painting of ours and it is up to each individual to determine how much (long) he/she wants others to draw on his/her painting." indeed, god created each and everyone of us for one purpose and a great destiny but yet, He gave us a CHOICE to choose.
at the end of the day, why so often, we want to wait to lose something or on the verge of losing it; to realize its true importance/significance/value. A friendship/relationship/kinship has a pressing call to be protected and cherished. past failures are here to remind us of the pitfalls, dangers, entrapment, mistakes we made etc to not fall into them anymore but do we all these past failures serve its true purpose? ultimately, we ourselves make these vital decisions and to some, it may seem small but our faithfulness to these small details are actually the things that are being tested.
our thought-life shapes our world; today, instead, the world/society/people shape us that we forget our real identity or what we call social-norms. Greatness comes with failures and not succumbing to social-norms because great people simply do not do what's normal and it takes sacrifice and a price to pay.
so much as companies offered discounts and sales to boast profit margins, locally, it has become a norm that w/o sales, the numbers tend to dwindle and today, even myself, i look forward to IT fairs for buys. reason being, that it is imbued into us that the notion itself 'sales' is what we look for commonly to give us a better reason to buy.
even so said, treating gestures and kindness of others, which are given out of love and concern, as a norm because it has always been there unchanging and consistent, is something that shouldn't been committed. at times, that complacency will bound to sip in given the fact that we're all humans but time to time, we needa put a conscious effort to review ourselves if we've done in a similar capacity to deserve these gestures showered upon us. for whatever we sow, we will surely reap. give and it will surely be given back, good measures pressed down, shaken together and running over.
and so, even so said, all of us are guilty from time to time in committing this error. some of us, with such goodness overflowing, continue to want even more without looking what we can offer ourselves. "you can give without loving, but can never love without giving", how true is this saying... and when the goodness begins to flow away from us, we begin to doubt, question or even feel betrayed. maybe we should stand in the mirror and look at ourselves and ponder, did i go wrong in any ways; or is there anything that i could have done or done more.
as i begin to ponder on this fact, it came to my remembrances a hard truth that was told to be by my brother," life is like a piece of painting, we are creating our own painting. people that come into our lives are here to add strokes to this life-painting of ours and it is up to each individual to determine how much (long) he/she wants others to draw on his/her painting." indeed, god created each and everyone of us for one purpose and a great destiny but yet, He gave us a CHOICE to choose.
at the end of the day, why so often, we want to wait to lose something or on the verge of losing it; to realize its true importance/significance/value. A friendship/relationship/kinship has a pressing call to be protected and cherished. past failures are here to remind us of the pitfalls, dangers, entrapment, mistakes we made etc to not fall into them anymore but do we all these past failures serve its true purpose? ultimately, we ourselves make these vital decisions and to some, it may seem small but our faithfulness to these small details are actually the things that are being tested.
our thought-life shapes our world; today, instead, the world/society/people shape us that we forget our real identity or what we call social-norms. Greatness comes with failures and not succumbing to social-norms because great people simply do not do what's normal and it takes sacrifice and a price to pay.
Monday, October 25, 2010
No qualms about it, none of us is perfect to begin with but yet, with this very fact of our imperfection, it makes all worthy and interesting. Learning to cope, to compromise, to learn and to love is the very essence of everything; be it a relationship or a friendship. Indeed, relationships; be it platonic or not, precedes all businesses/ministries. And ultimately, the kind of person we all become is determined by the kind of people we invest our time in, or otherwise, we mix with. Over periods of time, every individual have their own varying levels of threshold and limits; given our irrationality, love propels us beyond these limiters we have or place. Yet, so often, even so said, when all the little efforts put in goes unreciprocated, unappreciated; slowly but surely, that very hand awaiting to be clapped will dissipate.
So often, people say time will tell. Indeed, to a certain extent, this may be true. More importantly, majority use that to excuse themselves, waiting for something to happen. We do believe in mystical/magical things when we were young but we also know that such things maybe farfetched or merely do not exist now when we are older? We spend so much time waiting and when that thing that we have so much hoped for comes, we do not know what to do and how to react. Too little time? Afraid? Taken aback? Shocked? And thus when we put our hand into the plough, we still want to look back, take a step back, take a seat in the couch and carry on our old lifestyles or maybe stay in that comfort zone of ours? Maybe yes, maybe no. Life simply may have too much regrets and given a choice, I choose to move on and not to have more regrets anymore. At the very least, someone once said,” when I’m old on my death bed, I do not wish that I have any regrets that I know that I could have done and not do it… because now its simply too late…” If need be, fail your way to success because at least, you are trying. Reason being, the day one stops trying, it will be the day he/she starts dying, literally.
Time and time again, different people walk in and out of our lives leaving big and small footprints in our hearts. The extent of impart they leave is entirely dependent on how much we want them to. Ultimately, first it takes two hands to clap as one hand only beats the air. It took me 26 good years of my life to understand the essence of the term ‘friends’ but it doesn’t need much of me to understand the importance to cherish and treasure someone that I want to love. The greatest Man said that to abide in faith, hope and love and the greatest of them all is truly, love. Faith – to believe, Hope – to look forward, Love – the very foundation. Truly, one can give without loving but cannot love without giving. Love propels us to do the unimaginable.
At this very moment, I need not tell myself what I can do, what I can give or what I can do more because I know I fulfill what’s far and beyond myself. Maybe to some, these are just norms but to me, I beat my chest and say I exceeded myself once more and I’m glad I did because most importantly I tried and kept trying. Indeed, where your treasure is, there your heart will also be because when you have the heart, you will have the time.
Through it all, I think I’m still very humane. My heart is very alive and beating, a heart made of flesh and not of stone. I guess I also need someone that cares for me, appreciates me and loves me for I am too? I do not know but yes, I won’t play god because I don’t have that unfailing and unconditional love… There’s just too much about life that’s sad and negative that I know I do not want to be in that state at all and thus the reason for my positivity and my faith. I still will try but sometimes, too much waiting and too much giving and it doesn’t comes back the way it should be makes one wonder where has all that gone to. Little kind acts of gestures, thanks and love go a long way. Words of encouragement are oxygen to the soul and so often, we are brought up in a culture/environment that tells us the opposite. Therefore, maybe it could be quite important that we learn to esteem others better than ourselves.
Still remember lately someone told me that maybe I was the one immature and I began to wonder if that was the issue I had and yet, pondering over and over this matter, I wonder if it was the case because maturity comes with accepting responsibilities? “Therefore, let no one despise your youth, but be an example… in word, in conduct, in love, in spirit.” Yes, I agree I’m more long-winded, overly sensitive, more demanding, irrational and probably very different from the rest but could it be better and different from the rest rather than going through the same motion as the rest? Put our differing expectations, perceptions, comparisons, differences at home and keep them far far away; simply because every single is different and unique in his/her own ways.
Friday, October 1, 2010
WOOT!
been a long time i since updated my blog... man... talk abt faithfulness :x guess its abt time to start the habit of blogging again... 2 mths... wat a rollercoaster ride once again... one quote to surmise these 2 mths," humans, the source of problems; as well as the source of solutions..."
foremost, personal aspects, tough, extremely tough... "you cant gain something without first paying the price." this very essence of it is just nerve-breaking. for once, when making critical decisions come in play... you jus wish that there would be an easy way out and suddenly its all like extremes and far-fetching... at times, it mayb comforting to know some people are still on your side and some are not. circumstances seriously purges your friendships/relationships and real ones stick by you... you noe tt you neednt do much, even when you are wrong, they dont shoot or gun you down but instead, learn to share your sentiments and have at least, slight empathy or try to pull u to a macro-view.
i still remember, jus recently, i knew something amiss was going on alrdy and yet instead of making assumptions/accusations or even want to be fast to correct, i readjusted my stance abt the entire issue. reason being, a good leader accomodates even thought his/her people makes mistakes. this very essence came to my reminiscence. you know that although he/she did wrong, instead of being judgemental or quick to correct, you love them still even they are wrong and you think of ways to guide them and help them to see and learn... as such, thru this eventful incident, i was taught to be more gracious and to love him/her no matter what. the old me, rash, muddleheaded, judgemental, quick-tempered, hot tempered. yes im still like tt but instead, it took me to review and take a small step back to think and recompose my stance and thoughts. indeed love is patient, kind and long-suffering...
tt aside, im putting things down and trying to take new things up alrdy because i know im not a model and good leader... i love my people, no doubt about it but sadly, im not gd enuff to be on top because it takes character and consecration which i dont think i have 'em. still, i love you all and will always be there for every single one that i know you treasure me as much i do... mayb not yet, mayb not ready, mayb afraid, mayb too hard, or simply not good enuff i guess... remember, you guys are what gives me strength to carry on...
(b)
緊緊擁抱唯一的你
無可救藥的堅定
就算世界與我為敵
我也願意
我什麼都願意
alrighty! time for me to hit back at my work... i was extremely disappointed about someone with something and it has affected me so adversely tt im gonna work so hard now. im very sorry because you just offended me tt bad tt i feel extremely sorry for you. yes, you may think its for the betterment of me but sadly, its so so wrong.... :)
foremost, personal aspects, tough, extremely tough... "you cant gain something without first paying the price." this very essence of it is just nerve-breaking. for once, when making critical decisions come in play... you jus wish that there would be an easy way out and suddenly its all like extremes and far-fetching... at times, it mayb comforting to know some people are still on your side and some are not. circumstances seriously purges your friendships/relationships and real ones stick by you... you noe tt you neednt do much, even when you are wrong, they dont shoot or gun you down but instead, learn to share your sentiments and have at least, slight empathy or try to pull u to a macro-view.
i still remember, jus recently, i knew something amiss was going on alrdy and yet instead of making assumptions/accusations or even want to be fast to correct, i readjusted my stance abt the entire issue. reason being, a good leader accomodates even thought his/her people makes mistakes. this very essence came to my reminiscence. you know that although he/she did wrong, instead of being judgemental or quick to correct, you love them still even they are wrong and you think of ways to guide them and help them to see and learn... as such, thru this eventful incident, i was taught to be more gracious and to love him/her no matter what. the old me, rash, muddleheaded, judgemental, quick-tempered, hot tempered. yes im still like tt but instead, it took me to review and take a small step back to think and recompose my stance and thoughts. indeed love is patient, kind and long-suffering...
tt aside, im putting things down and trying to take new things up alrdy because i know im not a model and good leader... i love my people, no doubt about it but sadly, im not gd enuff to be on top because it takes character and consecration which i dont think i have 'em. still, i love you all and will always be there for every single one that i know you treasure me as much i do... mayb not yet, mayb not ready, mayb afraid, mayb too hard, or simply not good enuff i guess... remember, you guys are what gives me strength to carry on...
(b)
緊緊擁抱唯一的你
無可救藥的堅定
就算世界與我為敵
我也願意
我什麼都願意
alrighty! time for me to hit back at my work... i was extremely disappointed about someone with something and it has affected me so adversely tt im gonna work so hard now. im very sorry because you just offended me tt bad tt i feel extremely sorry for you. yes, you may think its for the betterment of me but sadly, its so so wrong.... :)
Friday, August 20, 2010
我的小小世界
在当你的离去
我的小小世界
一个腻补不了
的悲伤的空缺
你从我十指间
菘开了你双手
深深伤痛我心
似坠入常恶梦
我的小小世界
因爱过而完美
我不会再忧郁
放胆勇敢去爱
新世界新开始
一场戏一场梦
以从恶梦醒来
我不在害怕了
couple of guys came and tell me that this sounded emo-ish but tat was not my original intentions when i composed the poem. so! i added to stanzas to make it different! heheh~ :)
另个你的靠近
和双温柔的手
再次点燥我心
让我截然不同
你脸孔你笑容
溶化小小世界
我不想放开你
请也不放开我
我的小小世界
一个腻补不了
的悲伤的空缺
你从我十指间
菘开了你双手
深深伤痛我心
似坠入常恶梦
我的小小世界
因爱过而完美
我不会再忧郁
放胆勇敢去爱
新世界新开始
一场戏一场梦
以从恶梦醒来
我不在害怕了
couple of guys came and tell me that this sounded emo-ish but tat was not my original intentions when i composed the poem. so! i added to stanzas to make it different! heheh~ :)
另个你的靠近
和双温柔的手
再次点燥我心
让我截然不同
你脸孔你笑容
溶化小小世界
我不想放开你
请也不放开我
Monday, August 16, 2010
ive been wondering about my life this couple of months as i put on the veil on my 4.5 years of both work and study life. i think it definitely has been a tiring but both long and short journey that i have traversed. so much so much mixed emotions and feelings that i cant help but fill extremely overwhelmed... i think many of my fellow friends feel likewise...
i have been strayed away from my normal life and entered a state of oblivion to everything that's around me. leading purely by how i feel and what i thought was alright. moving in circles maybe? probably i guess. doing so many stupid and silly things and sometimes i feel so empty and queasy. yet the more i think about it, i more i plunge deeper... is there really a route out of my solid state of mind, my mind tells to walk out, my emotions tells of otherwise...
as i write this entry, although jus hours ago, i made up my mind to make a firm decision, it seems all weak all over again. fear grapples my mind, my soul trembles, my heart waned... little did i know that holding on is so, so difficult. when you know whats at the end of the tunnel, you saw that very glimpse of light, and as you lunged forward, you came to realized, the path seems longer than it looked. reality? dreaming? subconscious? sober? sombre? faint? so many questions but with only one answer, Trust....
i just want to hole up in my cloest, maybe under my duvel. where i can hide away from reality. reality? mayb not, probably from thinking and thinking deep. how true it is that, it is easier to use your mind to help others and end of the day, with the same conditions maybe, it seemed so difficult... take me out of this deep well, out from the depths of the earth, the depths of my world, the depths of my oblivion, the depths of solid state of mind, to help me believe again...
i have been strayed away from my normal life and entered a state of oblivion to everything that's around me. leading purely by how i feel and what i thought was alright. moving in circles maybe? probably i guess. doing so many stupid and silly things and sometimes i feel so empty and queasy. yet the more i think about it, i more i plunge deeper... is there really a route out of my solid state of mind, my mind tells to walk out, my emotions tells of otherwise...
as i write this entry, although jus hours ago, i made up my mind to make a firm decision, it seems all weak all over again. fear grapples my mind, my soul trembles, my heart waned... little did i know that holding on is so, so difficult. when you know whats at the end of the tunnel, you saw that very glimpse of light, and as you lunged forward, you came to realized, the path seems longer than it looked. reality? dreaming? subconscious? sober? sombre? faint? so many questions but with only one answer, Trust....
i just want to hole up in my cloest, maybe under my duvel. where i can hide away from reality. reality? mayb not, probably from thinking and thinking deep. how true it is that, it is easier to use your mind to help others and end of the day, with the same conditions maybe, it seemed so difficult... take me out of this deep well, out from the depths of the earth, the depths of my world, the depths of my oblivion, the depths of solid state of mind, to help me believe again...
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Monday, July 5, 2010
Emptiness
"The Seven Deadly Sins of human:
Lust, Greed, Sloth, Gluttony, Envy, Wrath & Pride.
Excessive want will destroy anyone... but those are same desires necessary to understand what it means to be human again"
- hiromu arakawa
the fallen nature of us, human beings encompasses these attributes within us. and yet amidst these imperfections, we know we are always found lacking. we search high and low, far and wide; to fill these emptiness or 'lackings'. so often found taking the form of the 7 sins.
jus a random thought of it and find it interesting to put an entry to this :)
Lust, Greed, Sloth, Gluttony, Envy, Wrath & Pride.
Excessive want will destroy anyone... but those are same desires necessary to understand what it means to be human again"
- hiromu arakawa
the fallen nature of us, human beings encompasses these attributes within us. and yet amidst these imperfections, we know we are always found lacking. we search high and low, far and wide; to fill these emptiness or 'lackings'. so often found taking the form of the 7 sins.
jus a random thought of it and find it interesting to put an entry to this :)
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Giving
as usual, the chc saga rants on and on....
sometimes, when i read 'em on forums and blogs abt how people demean my church, my leaders and my members, it angers and saddens me. so often, i would love to rebute them but indeed, rebukes are for the wise and not for fools.
it is really laughable that people today, wants the churches to come clean with every dollar that they spent on. no doubt, it is necessary that churches come clean and be transparent about it but when one looks up in the forums and blogs on their displeasures and anger. it has become so funny because although we give, we want to know EXACTLY where the funds go to. even if transparency, people keep digging and digging and criticising and make assumptions that there's sure some form of discrepencies and fraud going on. i have to agree that nothing pains us especially when fellow christians join in the fray.
Giving, where the bible states clearly that we're simply STEWARDS of our finances. we are entitled to the 90% after paying our tithes. even so, we're called stewards. although investigations are still going on, people reiterate that they want to know every single penny the church uses and stuff like that. as stewards, do you question your master's intentions? draw from the example that if you have a maid, does your maid inquire why do you do certain things? it is really laughable when we as stewards insinuate that we're now MASTERS of the same mammon that we have given. even so, the church is simply a medium we give to god. at the end of the day, arent we giving and entrusting our finances to god's hands? remember, whatever we give, will be surely given back to us right? don't get me wrong on this, if the church is found fradulent, are you afraid that the church will be able to abscond and not face anything? remember, Vengence is god's. as a man sows, he will surely reap. let reward/judgement come at His timing and not yours! don't play god. the end of the day, we're simply stewards of our finances and merely looking after it. a steward is a servant not a master.
i would like to say a word for my church and her leadership. more than a decade, i ve attended chc. my life, truly is a testimony of His grace and His very own church. my life would be still in a despair if not for the people and teachings. i see the good, the bad, the ugly. i admit tat i stop attending for a couple of years in between and it has indeed allowed me to see the ugly more. people ask me, how do i maintain a clear line as a christian with my friends, i simply tell them it is because i learn and apply what i learn in church. i learn integrity, honesty, discipline, character, attitude and morals. something that many will say will be taught in school and home. But i behest that i cultivated them into fruits of my life when i was in church. today i learn the importance of family, friends and love not because im compelled to but because i was shown that in church. i was taught that i can be succesful and a role model wherever i am in church. i was taught to be loving and generous and learn to give a helping hand in church rather than to only learn to fend for myself; me, myself and i when i was working. i learnt about backstabbing and politics at a tender age of 20 and because i learn to repay good with evil when i was 17 that i turned these backstabbers into my friends despite what they have done. what i learnt over the decade, brought me to be who i am today and gave me a dream, a vision and a hope for the future. faithful readers would know that an outcast, someone whose parents have already given up hope on, has moved to a different stage today. not because he was determined or something magical, or miraculously happened; but because the love in the church, was shared to him. i learnt that through giving, not jus i cant be given back, but i cant impact someone. inspite of my difficulties and trials, i know i can use them to help someone as well.
sometimes, when i read 'em on forums and blogs abt how people demean my church, my leaders and my members, it angers and saddens me. so often, i would love to rebute them but indeed, rebukes are for the wise and not for fools.
it is really laughable that people today, wants the churches to come clean with every dollar that they spent on. no doubt, it is necessary that churches come clean and be transparent about it but when one looks up in the forums and blogs on their displeasures and anger. it has become so funny because although we give, we want to know EXACTLY where the funds go to. even if transparency, people keep digging and digging and criticising and make assumptions that there's sure some form of discrepencies and fraud going on. i have to agree that nothing pains us especially when fellow christians join in the fray.
Giving, where the bible states clearly that we're simply STEWARDS of our finances. we are entitled to the 90% after paying our tithes. even so, we're called stewards. although investigations are still going on, people reiterate that they want to know every single penny the church uses and stuff like that. as stewards, do you question your master's intentions? draw from the example that if you have a maid, does your maid inquire why do you do certain things? it is really laughable when we as stewards insinuate that we're now MASTERS of the same mammon that we have given. even so, the church is simply a medium we give to god. at the end of the day, arent we giving and entrusting our finances to god's hands? remember, whatever we give, will be surely given back to us right? don't get me wrong on this, if the church is found fradulent, are you afraid that the church will be able to abscond and not face anything? remember, Vengence is god's. as a man sows, he will surely reap. let reward/judgement come at His timing and not yours! don't play god. the end of the day, we're simply stewards of our finances and merely looking after it. a steward is a servant not a master.
i would like to say a word for my church and her leadership. more than a decade, i ve attended chc. my life, truly is a testimony of His grace and His very own church. my life would be still in a despair if not for the people and teachings. i see the good, the bad, the ugly. i admit tat i stop attending for a couple of years in between and it has indeed allowed me to see the ugly more. people ask me, how do i maintain a clear line as a christian with my friends, i simply tell them it is because i learn and apply what i learn in church. i learn integrity, honesty, discipline, character, attitude and morals. something that many will say will be taught in school and home. But i behest that i cultivated them into fruits of my life when i was in church. today i learn the importance of family, friends and love not because im compelled to but because i was shown that in church. i was taught that i can be succesful and a role model wherever i am in church. i was taught to be loving and generous and learn to give a helping hand in church rather than to only learn to fend for myself; me, myself and i when i was working. i learnt about backstabbing and politics at a tender age of 20 and because i learn to repay good with evil when i was 17 that i turned these backstabbers into my friends despite what they have done. what i learnt over the decade, brought me to be who i am today and gave me a dream, a vision and a hope for the future. faithful readers would know that an outcast, someone whose parents have already given up hope on, has moved to a different stage today. not because he was determined or something magical, or miraculously happened; but because the love in the church, was shared to him. i learnt that through giving, not jus i cant be given back, but i cant impact someone. inspite of my difficulties and trials, i know i can use them to help someone as well.
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