4mths and on.... wow wow wow! time flies like nobody's business!! looking back, i wan time to STOP pleaseeeeeeeee! lol~ really, time flew pass without much notice, at least for me... it has been probably the best and yet one of the most trying periods of my life. juggling sot, ministry, work, assignments, was probably insanity to most~ yet, it has really made the best out of me each day.

recently, it dawns upon me to look at my current form, my past form and my future form. it has really become less of myself and more of others. more of placing others before my own desires and needs. yes, i still have my 'selfish' wants but yet, it seemed more easier to cast them aside as compared to the past. the tendency to get worked up becomes less. rather, at the moment, it is indefinite to become indifferent but i start to wonder if there was another way that i could have went wrong. lol~ feels nostalgic...

life really's gotta be progressive.. i ponder so much that i become worrisome about my future after sot and other things that i can sapped in this recent weeks but god has never failed to comfort me despite my stubbornness... really, as you begin to pour yourself out and give, like how the word says that water and you'll be watered, just prove to be so true. still, i craved very very much for a clear direction of what's after... this life, lets make it count, to live a life of legacy... ultimately, we all have certain desires and dreams and we badly sought and fight for but, what is really next when we fulfill them? people pursue money, status, fame, success, career, family etc. yet, what happens after that? maybe to some, it is farfetched to even ponder about this, but we just haf to put on our visionary binoculars to look ahead. maybe then, one may realise that it is more than all this... we all have this insatiable nature within us and we're unable to fill them with a true purpose, it will be more of money after you gotten money, more of status after you gotten status, so on. the main key, is to leave a legacy, and its up to each of us to define that...

as my pursuit to step up to my next level, i just want to remain sober of what makes me to be. i know i've been given much and thus, with the little i have, i trust that it will be made much. but no matter how insignificant it seems to most now, the vital point is to keep on keeping on-which is the hardest part. sometimes, it can be seemed a folly, but as long the very godly peace is in my heart, its worth it... our humanistic behaviour tells me is dumb to wait and its really tough to be patient but if i rashly rush in, maybe it will be yet another loop i needa go again to move forward... i agree with pst that as we mature, we really learn to pace ourselves better, or rather, slower because god is not in the wind, nor fire nor earthquake, but in the still small voice, reserved for those who wait on Him.

yes, i admit im inadequate, im afraid, very afraid somemore, extremely intimidated but yet, looking back, no god, no joshua, no nothing....

when you look me in the eyes

If the heart is always searching,
Can you ever find a home?
I've been looking for that someone,
I'll never make it on my own.
Dreams can't take the place of loving you,
There's gotta be a million reasons why it's true

When you look me in the eyes,
And tell me that you love me.
Everything's alright,
When you're right here by my side.
When you look me in the eyes,
I catch a glimpse of heaven.
I find my paradise,
When you look me in the eyes.

How long will I be waiting,
To be with you again
Gonna tell you that I love you,
In the best way that I can.
I can't take a day without you here,
You're the light that makes my darkness disappear.

More and more, I start to realize,
I can reach my tomorrow,
I can hold my head high,
And it's all because you're by my side.