ive been wondering about my life this couple of months as i put on the veil on my 4.5 years of both work and study life. i think it definitely has been a tiring but both long and short journey that i have traversed. so much so much mixed emotions and feelings that i cant help but fill extremely overwhelmed... i think many of my fellow friends feel likewise...

i have been strayed away from my normal life and entered a state of oblivion to everything that's around me. leading purely by how i feel and what i thought was alright. moving in circles maybe? probably i guess. doing so many stupid and silly things and sometimes i feel so empty and queasy. yet the more i think about it, i more i plunge deeper... is there really a route out of my solid state of mind, my mind tells to walk out, my emotions tells of otherwise...

as i write this entry, although jus hours ago, i made up my mind to make a firm decision, it seems all weak all over again. fear grapples my mind, my soul trembles, my heart waned... little did i know that holding on is so, so difficult. when you know whats at the end of the tunnel, you saw that very glimpse of light, and as you lunged forward, you came to realized, the path seems longer than it looked. reality? dreaming? subconscious? sober? sombre? faint? so many questions but with only one answer, Trust....

i just want to hole up in my cloest, maybe under my duvel. where i can hide away from reality. reality? mayb not, probably from thinking and thinking deep. how true it is that, it is easier to use your mind to help others and end of the day, with the same conditions maybe, it seemed so difficult... take me out of this deep well, out from the depths of the earth, the depths of my world, the depths of my oblivion, the depths of solid state of mind, to help me believe again...