through the evanescence of time, i think i'm slowly coming to my senses. although my senses are still numbed somehow, it remains hard to fathom the pain that has welled up so strongly within. accepting reality was part of me and yet true reality strikes painfully. how can i continue keeping faith?
i ask myself to move beyond the current into the fourth dimension and yet whilst moving, the thoughts of the past simply anchor themselves at the wrong place, at the wrong time. only thoughts of surrender has been the constant refuge, if possible, i want to seek. i believed that i've moved from a place of crestfallenness to a place of oblivion. why, i start to ask myself with no answers in mind.
a voice calls out to me constantly even though i always pride myself for being forgiving. now only i understand how it feels when love turns to hatred. never have i wondered into this desperate realm and i feel sick just staying here. the voice calls out telling me to move from love, to hatred, to forgiveness and back to love again and yet, all seems so farfetched.
i wonder, will i ever achieve this new state of change. indeed, its from transition where we can experience transformation but having to be put through this without consent, its simply macabre. i seek to expunge this feeling, and to desire after indolence or breakthrough, somehow or rather. as for now, i'm afraid, so afraid...
