Precious

sometimes have everything become like a norm that we become complacent, expecting that it will and always be the same way, like a norm and not realizing that we have unknowingly taking things for granted already...

so much as companies offered discounts and sales to boast profit margins, locally, it has become a norm that w/o sales, the numbers tend to dwindle and today, even myself, i look forward to IT fairs for buys. reason being, that it is imbued into us that the notion itself 'sales' is what we look for commonly to give us a better reason to buy.

even so said, treating gestures and kindness of others, which are given out of love and concern, as a norm because it has always been there unchanging and consistent, is something that shouldn't been committed. at times, that complacency will bound to sip in given the fact that we're all humans but time to time, we needa put a conscious effort to review ourselves if we've done in a similar capacity to deserve these gestures showered upon us. for whatever we sow, we will surely reap. give and it will surely be given back, good measures pressed down, shaken together and running over.

and so, even so said, all of us are guilty from time to time in committing this error. some of us, with such goodness overflowing, continue to want even more without looking what we can offer ourselves. "you can give without loving, but can never love without giving", how true is this saying... and when the goodness begins to flow away from us, we begin to doubt, question or even feel betrayed. maybe we should stand in the mirror and look at ourselves and ponder, did i go wrong in any ways; or is there anything that i could have done or done more.

as i begin to ponder on this fact, it came to my remembrances a hard truth that was told to be by my brother," life is like a piece of painting, we are creating our own painting. people that come into our lives are here to add strokes to this life-painting of ours and it is up to each individual to determine how much (long) he/she wants others to draw on his/her painting." indeed, god created each and everyone of us for one purpose and a great destiny but yet, He gave us a CHOICE to choose.

at the end of the day, why so often, we want to wait to lose something or on the verge of losing it; to realize its true importance/significance/value. A friendship/relationship/kinship has a pressing call to be protected and cherished. past failures are here to remind us of the pitfalls, dangers, entrapment, mistakes we made etc to not fall into them anymore but do we all these past failures serve its true purpose? ultimately, we ourselves make these vital decisions and to some, it may seem small but our faithfulness to these small details are actually the things that are being tested.

our thought-life shapes our world; today, instead, the world/society/people shape us that we forget our real identity or what we call social-norms. Greatness comes with failures and not succumbing to social-norms because great people simply do not do what's normal and it takes sacrifice and a price to pay.

No qualms about it, none of us is perfect to begin with but yet, with this very fact of our imperfection, it makes all worthy and interesting. Learning to cope, to compromise, to learn and to love is the very essence of everything; be it a relationship or a friendship. Indeed, relationships; be it platonic or not, precedes all businesses/ministries. And ultimately, the kind of person we all become is determined by the kind of people we invest our time in, or otherwise, we mix with. Over periods of time, every individual have their own varying levels of threshold and limits; given our irrationality, love propels us beyond these limiters we have or place. Yet, so often, even so said, when all the little efforts put in goes unreciprocated, unappreciated; slowly but surely, that very hand awaiting to be clapped will dissipate.

So often, people say time will tell. Indeed, to a certain extent, this may be true. More importantly, majority use that to excuse themselves, waiting for something to happen. We do believe in mystical/magical things when we were young but we also know that such things maybe farfetched or merely do not exist now when we are older? We spend so much time waiting and when that thing that we have so much hoped for comes, we do not know what to do and how to react. Too little time? Afraid? Taken aback? Shocked? And thus when we put our hand into the plough, we still want to look back, take a step back, take a seat in the couch and carry on our old lifestyles or maybe stay in that comfort zone of ours? Maybe yes, maybe no. Life simply may have too much regrets and given a choice, I choose to move on and not to have more regrets anymore. At the very least, someone once said,” when I’m old on my death bed, I do not wish that I have any regrets that I know that I could have done and not do it… because now its simply too late…” If need be, fail your way to success because at least, you are trying. Reason being, the day one stops trying, it will be the day he/she starts dying, literally.

Time and time again, different people walk in and out of our lives leaving big and small footprints in our hearts. The extent of impart they leave is entirely dependent on how much we want them to. Ultimately, first it takes two hands to clap as one hand only beats the air. It took me 26 good years of my life to understand the essence of the term ‘friends’ but it doesn’t need much of me to understand the importance to cherish and treasure someone that I want to love. The greatest Man said that to abide in faith, hope and love and the greatest of them all is truly, love. Faith – to believe, Hope – to look forward, Love – the very foundation. Truly, one can give without loving but cannot love without giving. Love propels us to do the unimaginable.

At this very moment, I need not tell myself what I can do, what I can give or what I can do more because I know I fulfill what’s far and beyond myself. Maybe to some, these are just norms but to me, I beat my chest and say I exceeded myself once more and I’m glad I did because most importantly I tried and kept trying. Indeed, where your treasure is, there your heart will also be because when you have the heart, you will have the time.

Through it all, I think I’m still very humane. My heart is very alive and beating, a heart made of flesh and not of stone. I guess I also need someone that cares for me, appreciates me and loves me for I am too? I do not know but yes, I won’t play god because I don’t have that unfailing and unconditional love… There’s just too much about life that’s sad and negative that I know I do not want to be in that state at all and thus the reason for my positivity and my faith. I still will try but sometimes, too much waiting and too much giving and it doesn’t comes back the way it should be makes one wonder where has all that gone to. Little kind acts of gestures, thanks and love go a long way. Words of encouragement are oxygen to the soul and so often, we are brought up in a culture/environment that tells us the opposite. Therefore, maybe it could be quite important that we learn to esteem others better than ourselves.

Still remember lately someone told me that maybe I was the one immature and I began to wonder if that was the issue I had and yet, pondering over and over this matter, I wonder if it was the case because maturity comes with accepting responsibilities? “Therefore, let no one despise your youth, but be an example… in word, in conduct, in love, in spirit.” Yes, I agree I’m more long-winded, overly sensitive, more demanding, irrational and probably very different from the rest but could it be better and different from the rest rather than going through the same motion as the rest? Put our differing expectations, perceptions, comparisons, differences at home and keep them far far away; simply because every single is different and unique in his/her own ways.

WOOT!

been a long time i since updated my blog... man... talk abt faithfulness :x guess its abt time to start the habit of blogging again... 2 mths... wat a rollercoaster ride once again... one quote to surmise these 2 mths," humans, the source of problems; as well as the source of solutions..."

foremost, personal aspects, tough, extremely tough... "you cant gain something without first paying the price." this very essence of it is just nerve-breaking. for once, when making critical decisions come in play... you jus wish that there would be an easy way out and suddenly its all like extremes and far-fetching... at times, it mayb comforting to know some people are still on your side and some are not. circumstances seriously purges your friendships/relationships and real ones stick by you... you noe tt you neednt do much, even when you are wrong, they dont shoot or gun you down but instead, learn to share your sentiments and have at least, slight empathy or try to pull u to a macro-view.

i still remember, jus recently, i knew something amiss was going on alrdy and yet instead of making assumptions/accusations or even want to be fast to correct, i readjusted my stance abt the entire issue. reason being, a good leader accomodates even thought his/her people makes mistakes. this very essence came to my reminiscence. you know that although he/she did wrong, instead of being judgemental or quick to correct, you love them still even they are wrong and you think of ways to guide them and help them to see and learn... as such, thru this eventful incident, i was taught to be more gracious and to love him/her no matter what. the old me, rash, muddleheaded, judgemental, quick-tempered, hot tempered. yes im still like tt but instead, it took me to review and take a small step back to think and recompose my stance and thoughts. indeed love is patient, kind and long-suffering...

tt aside, im putting things down and trying to take new things up alrdy because i know im not a model and good leader... i love my people, no doubt about it but sadly, im not gd enuff to be on top because it takes character and consecration which i dont think i have 'em. still, i love you all and will always be there for every single one that i know you treasure me as much i do... mayb not yet, mayb not ready, mayb afraid, mayb too hard, or simply not good enuff i guess... remember, you guys are what gives me strength to carry on...

(b)
緊緊擁抱唯一的你
無可救藥的堅定
就算世界與我為敵
我也願意
我什麼都願意

alrighty! time for me to hit back at my work... i was extremely disappointed about someone with something and it has affected me so adversely tt im gonna work so hard now. im very sorry because you just offended me tt bad tt i feel extremely sorry for you. yes, you may think its for the betterment of me but sadly, its so so wrong.... :)

我的小小世界

在当你的离去
我的小小世界
一个腻补不了
的悲伤的空缺

你从我十指间
菘开了你双手
深深伤痛我心
似坠入常恶梦

我的小小世界
因爱过而完美
我不会再忧郁
放胆勇敢去爱

新世界新开始
一场戏一场梦
以从恶梦醒来
我不在害怕了

couple of guys came and tell me that this sounded emo-ish but tat was not my original intentions when i composed the poem. so! i added to stanzas to make it different! heheh~ :)

另个你的靠近
和双温柔的手
再次点燥我心
让我截然不同

你脸孔你笑容
溶化小小世界
我不想放开你
请也不放开我

ive been wondering about my life this couple of months as i put on the veil on my 4.5 years of both work and study life. i think it definitely has been a tiring but both long and short journey that i have traversed. so much so much mixed emotions and feelings that i cant help but fill extremely overwhelmed... i think many of my fellow friends feel likewise...

i have been strayed away from my normal life and entered a state of oblivion to everything that's around me. leading purely by how i feel and what i thought was alright. moving in circles maybe? probably i guess. doing so many stupid and silly things and sometimes i feel so empty and queasy. yet the more i think about it, i more i plunge deeper... is there really a route out of my solid state of mind, my mind tells to walk out, my emotions tells of otherwise...

as i write this entry, although jus hours ago, i made up my mind to make a firm decision, it seems all weak all over again. fear grapples my mind, my soul trembles, my heart waned... little did i know that holding on is so, so difficult. when you know whats at the end of the tunnel, you saw that very glimpse of light, and as you lunged forward, you came to realized, the path seems longer than it looked. reality? dreaming? subconscious? sober? sombre? faint? so many questions but with only one answer, Trust....

i just want to hole up in my cloest, maybe under my duvel. where i can hide away from reality. reality? mayb not, probably from thinking and thinking deep. how true it is that, it is easier to use your mind to help others and end of the day, with the same conditions maybe, it seemed so difficult... take me out of this deep well, out from the depths of the earth, the depths of my world, the depths of my oblivion, the depths of solid state of mind, to help me believe again...

fear creeps in
a kind all afraid of
moments like this
a well without depths

choices made
inflicts or edifies
sometimes is unknown
despite all technicalities

will regret set in
little we wonder
await that very glimpse
to carry me through...

a lesson without pain is meaningless

for you cannot gain something without sacrificing something else in return

but once you have overcome it and made it your own

you can gain an irreplaceable fullmetal heart...


*don't look away from each death/failure, look straight ahead and never forget...

Emptiness

"The Seven Deadly Sins of human:
Lust, Greed, Sloth, Gluttony, Envy, Wrath & Pride.

Excessive want will destroy anyone... but those are same desires necessary to understand what it means to be human again"

- hiromu arakawa

the fallen nature of us, human beings encompasses these attributes within us. and yet amidst these imperfections, we know we are always found lacking. we search high and low, far and wide; to fill these emptiness or 'lackings'. so often found taking the form of the 7 sins.

jus a random thought of it and find it interesting to put an entry to this :)

Giving

as usual, the chc saga rants on and on....

sometimes, when i read 'em on forums and blogs abt how people demean my church, my leaders and my members, it angers and saddens me. so often, i would love to rebute them but indeed, rebukes are for the wise and not for fools.

it is really laughable that people today, wants the churches to come clean with every dollar that they spent on. no doubt, it is necessary that churches come clean and be transparent about it but when one looks up in the forums and blogs on their displeasures and anger. it has become so funny because although we give, we want to know EXACTLY where the funds go to. even if transparency, people keep digging and digging and criticising and make assumptions that there's sure some form of discrepencies and fraud going on. i have to agree that nothing pains us especially when fellow christians join in the fray.

Giving, where the bible states clearly that we're simply STEWARDS of our finances. we are entitled to the 90% after paying our tithes. even so, we're called stewards. although investigations are still going on, people reiterate that they want to know every single penny the church uses and stuff like that. as stewards, do you question your master's intentions? draw from the example that if you have a maid, does your maid inquire why do you do certain things? it is really laughable when we as stewards insinuate that we're now MASTERS of the same mammon that we have given. even so, the church is simply a medium we give to god. at the end of the day, arent we giving and entrusting our finances to god's hands? remember, whatever we give, will be surely given back to us right? don't get me wrong on this, if the church is found fradulent, are you afraid that the church will be able to abscond and not face anything? remember, Vengence is god's. as a man sows, he will surely reap. let reward/judgement come at His timing and not yours! don't play god. the end of the day, we're simply stewards of our finances and merely looking after it. a steward is a servant not a master.

i would like to say a word for my church and her leadership. more than a decade, i ve attended chc. my life, truly is a testimony of His grace and His very own church. my life would be still in a despair if not for the people and teachings. i see the good, the bad, the ugly. i admit tat i stop attending for a couple of years in between and it has indeed allowed me to see the ugly more. people ask me, how do i maintain a clear line as a christian with my friends, i simply tell them it is because i learn and apply what i learn in church. i learn integrity, honesty, discipline, character, attitude and morals. something that many will say will be taught in school and home. But i behest that i cultivated them into fruits of my life when i was in church. today i learn the importance of family, friends and love not because im compelled to but because i was shown that in church. i was taught that i can be succesful and a role model wherever i am in church. i was taught to be loving and generous and learn to give a helping hand in church rather than to only learn to fend for myself; me, myself and i when i was working. i learnt about backstabbing and politics at a tender age of 20 and because i learn to repay good with evil when i was 17 that i turned these backstabbers into my friends despite what they have done. what i learnt over the decade, brought me to be who i am today and gave me a dream, a vision and a hope for the future. faithful readers would know that an outcast, someone whose parents have already given up hope on, has moved to a different stage today. not because he was determined or something magical, or miraculously happened; but because the love in the church, was shared to him. i learnt that through giving, not jus i cant be given back, but i cant impact someone. inspite of my difficulties and trials, i know i can use them to help someone as well.

Righteousness

wondered how often, we, knowing what's right and whats wrong, become quick to judge, criticize, pinpoint, correct and become cynical, overtime become sensitive to every little errs. all this denotes from the righteousness within us. this is equivalent to what's called "self-righteousness".
i still rem when i jus became a christian over a decade ago. it seemed that my world suddenly had "rules" governing it. suddenly, you become aware of the DOs and DONTs. things that weren't right, you wanna attest to the new-found faith, to do what's right. then i began to push what i believed to others. as i began to abstain, i expected people closed to me to move in the same direction. it was so wrong and foolish. i began to criticize and become cynical especially of what my parents and my closed friends did. i would "preach" to them and enter into arguments because of differing views and perspectives. sadly, one would know that these bonds began cracking...

Matt 5 teaches us the beattitudes which are attitudes we should have as we progress in our christian walk. in Verses 6, "Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,For they shall be filled" where the corresponding verse 20, "For I say to you, that unless your righteousness exceeds the righteousness of the scribes and Pharisees, you will by no means enter the kingdom of heaven." whereby to enter heaven, we gotta seek righteousness, and yet, pastor Tan pointed out in verse 7, "Blessed are the merciful, For they shall obtain mercy." why?

later as you read on, jesus reiterated that he came not to abolish the laws of moses but to establish it. in order to, with these laws serving to govern us from the right and wrongs, it is through our mercy towards others that will determining one's righteousness. so often, we become quite to judge and correct but without being gracious. we jump at the fact especially when we're wronged instead of giving others the benefit of doubt and be gracious. once again, our righteousness is expressed through our mercy, not through exercising justice.

as i go through the book of wisdom (Proverbs), i feel extremely blessed again and again because, indeed, as we heart wisdom, it will surely heart to us.
Prov 11:12-13 "He who is devoid of wisdom despises his neighbor, But a man of understanding holds his peace. A talebearer reveals secrets, But he who is of a faithful spirit conceals a matter."
Prov 17:9 "he who covers a transgression seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates friends."
-these verses served as a reminder for me to always be gracious. during the Asia Conference, pastor kong reminded us that a leader is accepting even when his/her people makes wrong decisions. and John C.Maxwell writes that," a good leader is gracious, gives people the benefit of doubts."

Even said, time and time again, despite having the knowledge/understanding, we slip into the wrong side of the river and commit the same old mistakes because we're human after all. and yet, it will become an asset as we keep reminding ourselves and best of all, always practising what we learn. it definitely takes 3 months to cultivate a good habit and 3 days to learn a bad one. i was speaking to a confide and as he began explaining to me about something in having grace even if the other party is of significance, it still vivid in my mind that i rebuffed that very idealogy not because i was stubborn, but because when we allow emotions and other factors (despite we being right) to make that decision. it was hard, i would say, impregnable fotress in me? the next day, i was convicted not because i was right, but because god asked me to try to be gracious even all is lost. i guess it is easy to forgive when others are not so close but when it is within our boundaries, it gets harder and harder and what's more, when its someone you look up to and respect. fresh in my mind, after tat very conversation, i texted my confide saying, " sadly, im not *** but a ***, im not that gracious." and a reply," :) ".

like pastor spoke, so often, in today's web 2.0, people are trying so hard to change the world or their world behind a screen. i simply love it when pastor says," i change the world by holding someone's hands and looking to them in the eye." technology enhancements can cripple us if we're not cautious. i always remember telling my bestie that if i want to help you, i will not text or call you but i would want to meet you so i can see your body language and at the same time, you can see mine and know if im doing this in love or simply out of duty....

David Archuleta - To Be With You

I've been alone so many nights now,
And I've been waitin' for the stars to fall.
I keep holdin' out for what I don't know
To be with you, just to be with you.

So here I am staring at the moon tonight,
Wondering how you look in this light.
Maybe you're somewhere thinkin' about me too.
To be with you, there's nothing I wouldn't do.

And I can't imagine two worlds spinnin' apart
Come together eventually..

And when we finally meet, I'll know it's right.
I'll be at the end of my restless road.
But this journey, it was worth the fight.
To be with you, just to be...

Holding you for the very first time, never letting go.
What I wouldn't give to feel that way...
Oh...

Oh, to be with you...

Oh, and I can't imagine two worlds spinnin' apart
Come together eventually.

And when you're standin' here in front of me,
That's when I know that God does exist.
'Cause He will have answered every single prayer.
To be with you, just to be with you, yeah.
You....

Heart vs Mind

to follow your heart than your mind? which is the correct choice? sorry fellows, i have no answer for you if you asked....

so often we get into what i deem "chicken and egg" situation and get really lost, confused, frustrated, uptight and irritated. possibly with ourselves. i wonder what would it be for myself if i was to come to this standstill? truth foretold, im in this situation!!!! crap! lol~

i was jus sharing with my bestie that: 'it is so hard to do what's right even if you know its right.' its stinging and frustrating and it gets to one, devouring our energy and focus. most of the time, we struggle not in the black and white zone but in the grey zone; no doubts abt it, but we will be challenged time n time again of our character. knowing what's right and actually fulfilling/doing it, i would say, it can be 2 different stories. pressures pile and pile, all around you seem oblivious and it can get harsh.

the human is weak after all. coming to a point where one feels stagnant, confused, lost, disappointed, discouraged devours mercilessly and devoid of the right frame of mind all of a sudden. movement still in place but into delusion. seeking to avoid, to suppress and disconnect. and possibly ignorance will bring temporal comfort but day-in day-out, a state of oblivion and despair creeps. simply do not know how to react or what to do. the state of mind starts shattering.

its so hard, so hard... yet, grace abounds, mercies that flows because we're only weak than we can be made strong. making a decision to do what's right even with a feeble heart, it serves to strengthen and be encouraged. here is love, poured out so freely. yet the choice of freedom is still available for one to make the right decision. crumbling before pressures or pressures can crumble before us. leaders are constantly tested in keeping their cool under immense pressures and never getting their ego involved. this is because our feelings cannot touch god but our faith does...

the world may fall, but you never fail
i sought to run, but you sought for me
you waited in silence, with grace and mercy
even i turned my face, you kept waiting
in folly and unfaithfulness, you remained faithful
devoid of choices, you offered unrelentlessly
you never forget despite my ungratefulness
your love, has become my sweetest devotion
to let me find you once again...

when i don't know what to do... y did i disconnect and choose to crumble?

strangers

humanity is about curiousity
either it kills or saves
choices made will determine
turning either left or right

as our paths crossed
i wonder was it fate
strangers we came from
strangers will we return?

thoughts that hinders
mirages that obscures
lost was the joy intensity
all quiescence bring unease

Asia Conference - Day 1 - Session 3

Dr Kong - Culturally Savvy Christian

3 crippling mentalities:
a) Cocooning: Withdrawal, Isolation
we preach insulation but practice isolation
b) Combating: Fight, Resist, Oppose
we fight against everything of the world with our "righteousness"
c) Conforming: Compromise
"Gospel-lite"-compromise to the world.
*To be Gospel's Light, not 'Gospel-lite'"

Upward Mobility - we're called to be excellent, Daniel was ten times(Prov 22:9) better than everyone. (Dan 1:4) - King Nebuchadnezzer required all citizens of his kingdom to:
i. Learn the culture of Babylon
ii. Learn the culure of Babylon
iii. Learn the fashion of Babylon
iv. Change/Adapt Babylonia names
v. Take the jobs of Babylon
-Daniel did all the above but he did not compromise or give him his Consecration.
therefore its important that we be both Savvy in Culture and our Faith.
1) Counter Culture like aliens - don't be against it!
2) Communicate in Culture like ambassadors
3) Create Culture like Artists - be christianly-creative!
*keeping faith even its hard.

all said, today, with the cultural mandate released, sometimes we grow overly contemporary. culturally-savvy that we forget our roots. remember balance is the key although we all know it can be close to impossible to meet the equilibrium, yet to constantly move to the center-stage. Both Contemporary and Consecrated. whereby we build our lifes in spiritual disciplines.

Spiritual Disciplines (Bible-reading/meditation, Prayer, Fasting, Praise/Worship/Thanksgiving, Solitude w god, Confession/Repentence/Forgiveness, Faithfulness to the church) - these disciplines keep us consecrated, to influence and not be influenced. All successful ministries embraces consecration + Contemporary.

Consecration - Learn spiritual disciplines
Contemporary - Engaging the world.

our attitude determines our altitude. with status/promotion. what takes one to stay there is your character and therefore, those spiritual disciplines are the very cornerstones that we need to heart upon but so often neglected. We go up and without a strong character/foundation, we breakdown.

i was praying couple of days ago, i felt that an area in my life found lacking. i found myself uttering the words "god, i want more wisdom and that i would heart wisdom so that wisdom will heart me".

couple of weeks back, i was spending my time in solitude because i felt discouraged about certain things and in my despair, i felt stupid about myself. i decided to go into the book of wisdom - Proverbs. in the very beginning, king solomon wrote that we shoudl pursue wisdom for it is more precious than anything. these words kept revolving in my mind as i meditate on these words. with these words, i felt reminded about expectation management, being open and more flexible. the very next day, the preacher spoke a word that set my discouragement flying in all ways and this was the very 1st time in my life i had a light-speed revelation. and just as i was about to give up hope, i was strengthened again to have faith, be patient, trust and pray.

one of the beautiful things is that when we least expect it, good friends are just around the corner to give us a helping hand. choosing the right kinds of people to be with will really determine the type fo person you'll become. in crisis(s), our relationships are purged and the real ones stay by you. i was blessed to take the train with a nice lady today to school despite the heavy rain and although the conversation was not really in depth, once again, i was reminded of something beautiful last year Oct which made me felt so blessed that i wanted to bless those that were there last year. Good people come in all sorts of packages, shapes and sizes and it can in the walls and out of the walls of the church. love all just as the same and you'll find yourself moving into culturally-savviness.

Asia Conference Day 1 - Session 2

Pst Phil - Pray

most christians miss out their walk with god due to a poor/weak prayer life. Prayer is like breathing. when one stops praying, he/she cuts off his/her life-supply or connection with god. pray is esteeming god more than anything and seeking Him. when we go through good times, bad times, pray. James 5:13 reminds us that," anyone that's suffering, let him pray..."

Dr yonggi cho reiterated again and again that his church is built on a life of prayer. a christian without prayer is a powerless christian. It is the key to revival, success, personal victory. it has gotta be as natural as breathing. Faith is the persistence crying unto god.

Therefore go into the presence of god, keep speaking, and speak the positives. Which is why, our words have the power of life and death. The first thing in the bible is not communication, but rather Creation - our words create our world. sometimes when we're in pain coz god wants us to turn our face to Him; in a face-to-face manner.

1 The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me to lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside the still waters. He restores my soul; He leads me in the paths of righteousness For His name’s sake. - Psa 23:1-3

those that have been my faithful followers on my blog and/or my good friends that know me well will know the power of pray. it works time and again. Have faith, pray, mix it with your works and overtime, you'll see results. so often, i get questions like "how do you do it? how do you be so focused? etc" my answer, trust and pray. our life's walk is filled with so much uncertainty and mysteries like the economic cycle, full of ups and downs. you know that today, the ups is not gonna last because soon, there'll be bound to be a time that you "free-fall". coping with both ends aren't easy because life's aren't all rosy. and yet, i know, keeping my life in check, helps me to find focus, and this translates to greater productivity, resulting in stability and thus security.

remember that you can either overcome or be overcome. all our lifes move in a pattern of the 4 seasonal change-Summer, Autumn, Winter, Spring. learn to ebb & flow. movement may not be progress, thats why we can be moving in circles. if today, you're in a bad situation (winter), learn to hibernate, move back to a place where its just you and god. Both of you form the majority. return to your first works, remember the time when you first met Him, the time you first experienced Him, the time He blessed you. If you're in a good good situation (any of the 3 seasons), always remember to be humble, don't allow yourself to the better of anything. shout His praises, be thankful, spread the joy, never be lax just because everything is going well-complacency goes before a downfall; remember to let Him lord/govern your life. this could be a time of preparation for an EBB-time. so that when you're ebbing, you are progressing and faster than any other time when you go through winter seasons.

lastly, i leave you to learn the power of expectation management. a perfectionist myself, this has proved invaluable time and time again even till this very moment. sometimes we put our faith and efforts into something and hopeful that something positive turns out. yet, we stumble and we put the blame on god, on others etc. yet we really needa know how to react when things don't turn out to be what we wanted it to be. of coz, we need to put in effort in everything we do but at the same time, results is not the end but it could be a time of seeding and not harvesting. be patient. Trust and pray.

Accountability & Submission

had a fruitful bible-study couple of days back and visitation yesterday. this couple of weeks has been a time of rebuilding and edification as i was thinking about the cell past few weeks. coincidentally, i was sharing somethings about the above-titled matter and thus decided to talk about it since nothing in life is of coincidence...

What if one day, you come to a point whereby you and your leader is at loggerheads, in total disagreement, the relationship has soured and worst, there's enmity, the basis of respect and tolerance is no longer there? - make things easier, i offer you 4 options to choose from:
a) Leave the cell group, why
b) Change cell group, why
c) Backslide/Freelance, why
d) Any other options and why

from my little perspective, i assumed most will pick option 1/2 given that it would save each other any form of embarassments etc faced, additionally, it would be an easier choice to seek a way out then rather having to rub shoulders again. option 3 would be probably the last option unless a big issue comes along or one is totally disappointed and he/she paints the entire congregation in view of the single leader as prima facie.

moving forward, my response would be to pick option 4! what is my answer to this!? :p First and foremost; it is never easy and never was, to take a huge leap to if possible, to understand the other party. it takes one to remove your very pair of shoes, and put yourself in the reverse position. we may not fully understand his/her pov, but it definitely serve as a good "baby steps" out from your part.

Secondly, learn to press in to your leader. Ask, ask, ask! one thing that i learnt whilst working is, you either know or you don't know. there's no in betweens! likewise, if unsure, ask! there was once i felt so wronged about something, i was eager to get antagonized for sure, but someone once told me "it is because you never invest your time to build the friendship/relationship and thus there's already a breakdown in communication which is probably the cause of everything." immediately, it was like my mind had a paradigm shift and i realized how foolish i was to feel angry and bitter for nothing. the world doesn't revolve on a single person, yet it continues revolve regardless of our movements. our world is shaped by the relationships we forge.

lastly, the most important factor, anointing flows top-down. So often, we missed out on this important truth. if we're gonna get disconnected with our leader(s), the anointing, the blessings stops flowing, which it is liken to slitting your own wrist. the hard truth is, if you cant submit to one, what makes you think you can submit to another and ultimately to god? most argue against that they have no qualms submitting to god whatsoever but in reality, the life lived, tells of otherwise... especially those who have a desire to be leaders in the future, it shows your capacity.

Similar in the marketplace, managers are appointed over us as leaders. the very same concept is in play here. if one desires to be a manager, climb the corporate leader, the more you needa know the importance to submit even if you disagree. if today, you are a manager yourself, would you recommend someone to be promoted thats not in unison with you? yes, my productivity shows.. but even if there's no rapport between the manager and yourself, someone that's slightly below par compared but has a good relationship/rapport will get the promotion ahead of you. Even management theories show as one progresses the corporate leader, the time allocation moves more towards networking.

in conclusion, at the same time, as leaders, we need to consistently be reminded that the very reason we come of position is so that we can serve others better, more. never never forget the very humble beginnings that you came from. it is that we may decrease and He increase. to give than to receive. to love more because we know we can. we're not superior beings jus because we're promoted but because someone saw something in us that we can be an example. More is expected of us, with more given to us, more is expected. Leaders are examples, are role models, are look upon, are respected, the words spoken carries even greater weights; and so there's a standard we constantly need to adhere so that we don't become inflated or deluded. others start to pay attention to every little details, scrutinize them as one rises in stature. Dr Bernard:" if you don't think you can live up to a higher level of standard, don't be a leader and stumble others." With promotion comes greater responsibilities, greater maturity, greater consecration and greater humility & service. the type of leader, produces the same kind of fruits, comes BOTH the good and also the negative attributes.

Out of my hands...

out of my hands, into my heart
you gave it all for me
love that is real, my emptiness filled
that's when i first believe

out of your hands, into my heart
you put your songs in me
rivers will flow, healing me whole
that's when my song will sing

my heart can never comprehend
love crucified the man
whose open hands were nailed for me
and now i live each moment serving only you
jesus my lord

out of my hand, back to your heart
i give my all to thee
words aren't enough, for me to start
to say what you mean to me

i surrender to your love...

-your love taught me to love, you first loved so i could love. you waited when i couldnt love, you gave me strength to start all over again, now i can love because you loved, and to learn to love all over again even when its difficult. it is because it was all out of that hands of yours...

Asia Conference Day 1-Session 1

Dr Yonggi Cho - 4th Dimension

We are all living in this world on the 3rd Dimension (3D). it has been this way despite so called moving from 2D to 3D. Mankind has always believed in things they can see, touch and feel. And yet, without us realizing the next most powerful dimension, the 4th Dimension (4D).

its a place that we can actually create, recreate, discover and rediscover. Most people would call it the subconsciousness of a human, others call it the spiritual realm. in actual fact, it is a dimension that exists and its important to learn to tap into the 4D.

Reseachers, experts show that humans utilize a maximum of 3% of our brain to function in our entire lifetime and it is believe that if humans have the capability to utilize all, we will actually see buildings elevating. So often, when we see windfalls, good things happen, we say, we're just lucky etc but in actual fact, Nothing in life happens by chance-most people would kill to disagree this matter of fact.

Matter of Fact is; if one focus on creativity, productivity-the 4D, things will actually happen. Dr Cho emphasis this that if we can Control our Thoughts, we can control our life. if one of my earlier blogs, i've put emphasis that we cannot control our emotions (how we feel) but we can control what we're feeding our minds with. which in turn will affect our emotions. This quote of controlling your thought-life affirms my statement. The way we think is thus of extreme importance. If we feed our mind with rubbish, the rest is history.

So often, our world is governed by our curent world, circumstances-3D, it can cripple our very basis of belief and stand. we need to move into the 4D and in order for that to happen, it is critical that we have visions & dreams as it serves as a guidance for the 4D to work. so often, we get down due to discouragement, wet blankets when we share with people our dreams and visions. (learn to choose your friends wisely! you mix with turkeys, you don't expect to become an eagle). thus ut us important to understand that we're 4D-beings living in a 3D-things/bodies. Understand that god speaks to us through faith and not through feelings. moving in the 4D required faith. Don't live on your emotions/strengths/talents, live by faith. Have faith, confess it out. the power of confession-releases power over your life! Speaking in faith is moving in the 4th Dimension.

4 things you needa do to release the 4D over your life:

1) Have positive thinkings & words. remove all negativity!

2) Have a vision/dream. w/o one people perish! - Draw/proclaim/confess it out!

3) the power of speech-power of the tongue.

4) Pray. that the dream is ordained and given from Him!

be like abraham, whereby god told him to come out of his tent (Abraham's body-3D) and look into the skies (4D), and count the stars (when god promised him that he will be father of nations). Pray that miracles will come because life without miracles is no life at all to christians.

*the above is surmised by blogger. All rights reserved. Do not copy and replicate without consent. All information is for the edification at the believer(s)' discretion. Do not take word for word as from the actual author as it may differ. All similarities are purely coincidence. For accurate interpretation: pls refer to speaker's book:

HUSBANDS FOR SALE!

Read this online and found it to be intriguing and funny!~

HUSBANDS FOR SALE!

A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates.You may visit the store ONLY ONCE!
There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch ..... You may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the Lord.The second floor sign reads:Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids. The third floor sign reads:Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids and are extremely good looking. 'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads: Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead good looking and help with the housework. 'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!' Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads: Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak. She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!

*quoted fr yyk*

loving it! :D
have a nice day!~

Manasseh

Manasseh: (Hebrew: מְנַשֶּׁה, Modern Menashe Tiberian Mənaššé ; "who makes to forget")

Joseph, was the youngest son of Jacob/Israel, was looked down and bullied by his 12 other brothers. later he was sold to the land of egypt to be a slave. As you read on in the bible, you'll realize that he was maligned by the wife of his master who lusted after joseph and thrown into the jail whereby later he got the jail master saved and interpreted the dream of pharoah and later became the 2nd man of egypt.

he forgave his brothers for what they had done. he invited the entire family to the palace of egypt and feasted and acknowledged them back as a family with total disregard for all the hurts inflicted on him. he reverenced them as his brothers and did not held his head up high just because he was the prime minister of egypt. joseph later named his son, Manasseh which means "forgetful".

time and time again, unforgiveness is a vicious cycle that seeks to "kill" its holder. we get confused, frustrated, angry, heartbroken etc. firm to walk ourselves out yet to fall in slumbers again and seemingly unable to get out of the cages of bitterness and unforgiveness. Although most say that time will heal, no qualms about it but episodes and bouts of reminiscence and outbreaks get to us, thus causing us to sink further.

to forgive and forget, this 2 attitudes and actions come together. once again, it is believed that if mental patients can learn to forgive themselves and others, 75% of them can walk out totally healed. Chains of bitterness bind us up and we find ourselves unable to get out. make a stand and decision to forgive and FORGET. no doubt, it is the hardest part, which may seem impossible but it could be the way or key out.

Choose to let it go, and find your Manasseh. learn to take dominion, control of your thought-life. what you feed your mind with, it translates into emotions and ultimately, your actions. We cannot really control our emotions but yet, we can control our thoughts and what we feed our mind with. With positive thoughts, translates into positive emotions; vice versa. make a decision today to seek your Manasseh, learn to control your thought-life, free yourself from the chains of the past and look forward to a beautiful tomorrow.

i was tasked to do a marriage anniversary well wishes for someone very nice! and its really my pleasure since i never knew that someone would really appreciate my lengthy, boring poems and well-wishes... but it was really nice to be able to given this opportunity to do so! :)
i made it into a 3-part series consisting of a poem/poerty, a quote and a verse to reinforce. Enjoy~


The path ahead is yet long
Where it seemed all lonely, scary
Where do I go from here
Everything looked so bleak

And there I saw you standing
Stretching your hand towards me
I was afraid to reach out
But something within yearns for it

Within your warm embrace
I found a shoulder to cry on
I found strength to carry on
I found the pen for our love story

A story foretold to last
Has neither a beginning nor an end
Our little steps on a road
Together with you through eternity.



Love, a mysterious little thing. A type of feeling that cant be explained. An out-flowing to give and not ask. An emotion that causes joy even when one is spaced. Something indescribable, something that’s shared, shown. Not loud, not demanding. Strange telepathy when no words are required. To understand is a virtue and grace is ever-flowing.


Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord… Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her… So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself
Ephesians 5:22,25,28

Forgiveness

it never really occur to me that unforgiveness had such tremendous negative effects/impacts on an individual. no doubt, i knew the importance of forgiveness because only when i forgive, then i can be deemed worthy to be forgiven, but really never knew that it was bad to stay bitter and unforgiving.

first and foremost, pastor spoke of unforgiveness as wickedness. secondly, it provokes god's anger towards us. why? because, god's gracious to forgive all and by having unforgiveness, are we trying to insinuate that we are higher/more superior than Him because he can and we cant? and lastly, which i think it is so true, is that unforgiveness leads to torture. reason being, unforgiveness breeds and it grows at an exponential rate. worse still, it grows without we knowing and it creeps on you unexpectedly. and when it does, emotional, mental torture/torment, sleepless nights are just "minor" but more serious ones like fiery outbursts etc can prove deadly.

therefore, there're 5 ways that's progressive to disperse unforgiveness and to learn to forgive.
1. Don't curse it! - so often, we take matters into our own hands, getting angry and retaliating, becoming vengeful. the problem is that unforgiveness breeds. you may say," i'm not as bad.." but do you curse that person? do you get bitter and agitated even at the mention of the person? do you have evil thoughts and try to devise ways to get back at him/her? one powerful truth is that "Vengence is God's". if we fight for ourselves, god cant fight for you!

2. Don't rehearse it! - so common i would say! we gather in our groups of pity-parties or sympathy groups and sulk and talk and yak about it. it GETS to you! the more we talk about it, it WILL get the better of you coz it reminds you of the negative things and it will seriously get the better of you. don't keep saying and remind yourself about it! resentment is staying in the past, something real small becomes big and gets out of hand and you become paralyzed thus unable to move on. why? unforgiveness is addictive! like beer, smoking! we can be be addicted and the end result? we suffer, coz we get tormented by all these bad memories.

3. Don't nurse it! - don't keep feeding it as per stated earlier! anger is legit response but staying in it will allow torment/torture to enter us! if we don't know how to deal with it, literally, it gets blown out of proportion.

4. Disperse it! - maybe isit time for us to not hold on to someone else's bad deeds anymore? why allow his/her bad-doings become ours? no doubt we may question how does this occur, it becomes our problem when we don't deal with it and disperse the unforgiveness/anger properly.

5. Let nature takes it cause, allowing god to reverse it.
-earlier, we said," Vengence is god's". i believe that most of us, christians or non-christians alike, believe in the parable of sowing and reaping or "karma". For whatever a man sows, he will surely reap. allow "karma" to come at the right timing rather then taking matters into your own hands. don't make yourself more superior to god. be angry and don't let it get the better of you. Learn to properly disperse the anger, learn to let go, learn to forgive.

so often, it is really easier said than done right? yes it is! it definitely isn't easy to forgive especially when we see injustice done to us. and yet, at the end of the day, the ones that really suffer is, a hard truth, ourselves. we get sleepless nights, get emotionally distress, depressed, disappointed, angry and more angry, uncontrollable/imbalanced emotion reactions. All these will manifest outwardly and sooner or later, not just affect our own lifes but the people around us. experts have said that if mental patients know how to forgive others and forgive themselves, 75% of them could walk out of mental hospitals totally normal.

A very sad part is the ones that are most affected is really not ourselves, but our loved ones-family. when i went into the depths of my disappointment, i thought the world was going to end and i went into "zombie-mode". life was just day-in and day-out, work, eat, sleep. my work was affected badly, my life was like a zombie, nights were torture. Drinking was like my second name to be honest because there was where i was not alone. i wasn't shortsighted, i was blinded by unforgiveness, bitterness and resentment. worse, i got vengeful and wanted to get back. unknowingly, i made my mum very sad and worried. i could tell only when i spoke to her and there's where i knew i was unfilial to be of such an age and making her sad. there's where i truly realize that i wasn't hurting alone, i had allowed my unforgiveness to hurt someone close.

ultimately, we our ownselves gotta be the ones to make the decision to either hold on or let it go. im thankful i had supportive people rallying, guiding and helping me on the way. additionally, i had a powerful parakletos that showed me how to get out of my circumstance. one "sure-work" method i used was to pray and bless those whom i had unforgiveness against. there's probably the hardest but the best way. I'm thankful at the same time because i saw how friends of mine get stucked due to unforgiveness and never really able to get out of their slumber. it doesn't take courage and strength to forgive but it really takes everything you've got.

Every disappointment can be a new appointment. Every tombstone can be a new stepping stone.

Reality and Mammon

With so much pressure from the society arising from money and status, I can't help but think "is money the means to an end" ?

After graduating, and coming to the work force, I do enjoy higher income. Pocket money vs the real income earned. Like many others, I climb the corporate ladder and slowly but surely, income grows. I am able to afford many things I could not when I was in school. Fashionable wear, lastest gadgets, fancy restaurants. Ideally, this should translate to greater happiness.

However, I find that the opposite is true. In fact, I find that my life during my JC and most of the schooling period the most happy. Those times I am broke, but money was nothing compared to skipping lectures for soccer, or checking out cute gals with buddies.

Now that I have more money, but at the same time, lifestyle is so much compromised. I see people talking whole day about money making, nasty and un cooperative colleagues, unethical business practices, backstabbers...etc...

I hardly can find someone in the office that sincerely chat about football, or travelling, or anything else for that matter. Everyone seems so preoocupied with jobs that they dun enjoy doing, just so that they either make a living, or obtain the experience so that they continue climbing the ladder.

My question is:"With all this pursuit, are we neglecting things that we really love, and like?"
quoted fr loveforgadgets

I was reading something on the forum that really intrigues me. the generic question to sum up the article is," will we find true love or true friendships?"

its interesting how we live in this world today especially where in reality, people say Money Talks. how true is this statement? Although it has never occurred to me, i seen so often that people talk about their friends, even themselves being dumped by their partners of years coz of finances, or even careers. you can easily find such stories on forums. has humanity degraded or what most say, we have EVOLVED? simple pleasures of life no longer seem so simple. basic needs such as food are no longer so basic yeah? and gifts are being scrutinized and people are so picky about what they want. everything is designer, luxury, "i want the best, i wan fine-dining" blah blah blah.

did it once occur to you that you actually dine at hawker centres, foodcourts, used that red-leaf pen, drank ocean mineral water before? the "elitism" has gotten so far imbued to our back of our heads and we stoop to a point of evolution that Money Talks. and we literally worship the very tool itself. it seemed so sad that people part coz of money, people pick friends/partners depending on his spending powess/wealth/status. we even resort to low-tactics to enhance and promote ourselves and yet, at the end of the day, is it really worth it? will these millions of dollars, make the inner-us prosper?

to surmise, i read this quote and i simply love it, no offense to anyone :)

“The women who take husbands not out of love but out of greed, to get their bills paid, to get a fine house and clothes and jewels; the women who marry to get out of a tiresome job, or to get away from disagreeable relatives, or to avoid being called an old maid -- these are whores in everything but name. The only difference between them and my girls is that my girls gave a man his money's worth.” - Polly Adler

Contentment

Someone asked me,” Don’t you feel that as a Christian, you cant gamble, smoke, fool around, drink etc, life’s still so limited or boring?”

Although I had an answer in mind, this question set me thinking for a bit. Not because I doubted my faith or myself, neither but rather, an important word came into my mind the next day. And it was Contentment. What is Contentment?

Many define satisfaction, joy, happiness and success with having as much pleasures in life where possible and not forgetting accumulating wealth as one integral part of it. Truly, at the end of the day, will your heart, soul, mind have that joy you yearned for if all these are bestowed on your life? No doubt that, money is needed and having more is good but to my realization, having more only helps reduces a person’s number of worries. One of my revelations of Adam smith’s “Unlimited Wants vs. Scarce Resource” was the motivating reason behind this theory is human’s insatiable nature.

My answer to the question earlier is, even without all these things in my life, I can still have a happy and enjoyable life. The difference in whether one has to achieve the so called level of happiness is defined in his/her level of contentment he/she has set. Oh yes, it is always easy to rebuff this ideology that one has low level of or no goals/dreams/contentment because I have not much of what I want in life. How true is that? I’ve seen great men and women making big in life and you see them, you imagine, are these people what they seem to be? I admire Ms Elim Chew, founder of 77th street, a great philanthropist with a humble nature, so willing to help and give to the next generation. Most may think: ah she’s rich, she got it all, of course she can do whatever she want, so far and so forth but how many knows about her and her humble beginnings?

When the word Contentment fell into my head, I came to realize that I take much joy with what I have, what I do, where I am, what have went through. It is not because I have low expectations or nothing much to look forward in life but rather, how I know to count my blessings in my own life. I know that amidst my problems and imperfections, I learnt to champion my situations. People may never know what you and I have gone through but at the end of the day, I can be contented with what I have; simply because I appreciate what the world deems it “simple pleasures” of life.

“Success is, waking up and cannot wait to fly out of the door every morning. Success is, making people feel. Success is, working with the people you love and connecting with the world. And Success is finding a way to bind people with no connections with a dream. Success is, joy, freedom, friendship. Lastly, Success is really Love”- you can give without loving but you can never love without giving.


Beloved, I pray that you may prosper in all things and be in health, just as your soul prospers.
3 JOHN 2

Prosperity

"Is the seed still in the barn? As yet the vine, the fig tree, the pomegranate, and the olive tree have not yielded fruit. But from this day I will bless you.’” - Haggai 2:19

finally, in the marketplace, for the marketplace, to penetrate the marketplace. Incredulously blown off was my mind. in split seconds, my vision became clear, my mind sober, extremely clear and when it all seem like a dream to many. applauses, tears of joy, whistles, exclamation was all let loose at expo hall 1 on 6th Mar'10. land found, building secured and in 12 months, Shouts of Joy and Celebration will come liken to the Year of Jubilee when the Israelites are being set free and every of their debts if owned are cancelled and a year where they celebrated; every 7 years whereby the number 7 signifies COMPLETE or PERFECT.

as we begin to arise and build, truly from this very day, god will bless and build our own houses. I yearn n desire the day when god come and ask me,"son ask, what shall I give to you?" (1kings 3:5)

so often we find outselves witholding and being self-centered, never able to discover the power effects of giving and thus shortchanging ourselves a huge milestone. and the power of giving brings out a generous spirit. Many people have huge amounts of wealth and savings because they believe the richer one becomes, the happier he/she will also become, unknowingly allowing themselves becoming slaves to mammon.

How wealthy a person is measured, truly (my 2cents) is how his/her prospers. We can gain the whole world but lose our soul. Coming to our end of our lifespan, will these accumulated riches/wealth/mammon, be carried into our "next life"? Give and it shall be given back, shaken together and running over. Allow our soul to prosper and we need to find our own ways to make it happen.

I await enthusiastically for 2011 because as i sow in tears, i shall surely reap in joy. 2011, i believe will be a year of building and consecration. i do not know what is going to happen but surely, from this very day, my path is surely clear. something in me awaits to explode and i await...

Inner spiritual Thirst and Hunger

Wow! what a great message preached last sat! thank god i din missed it :p

so often when we "accustomized" ourselves to the things and rituals of god that we start to lose that very first love when we had our very first love. no doubt that we're still steadfast in our service to the church and the people, fervently in our works and has slowly, lost that very reason in our works. Jesus reminded the fervent Ephesus church in Revelation that they were a powerful church but yet, He had this against them, that they have left their first love. (Rev 2:1)

i think the first words that came into my mind was "complacency" and "religiousity". these characteristics creeps on us over periods of time and probably no one is spared of them. even myself, am guilty of committing them. we think that as long as we're serving, doing the works, faithfully attend cg and service or doing certain things that pleases god and our salvation is guaranteed. the question is," how sure is sure?"

when the message was preached forth, everything came into my reminiscence my very first time encounter with god. it was unforgettable and still so vivid today. When i was in my secondary four, in february, when 3 of my classmates invited me to church. i never really had a problem going to church since my relatives always invited me to church but i was only there to fool around and play with my cousins and friends. when it was worship, everyone lifted their hands, i felt totally out of place. @,@" so i decided to lift my hands in unison and close my eyes. the very moment i did that, tears began to well up in my eyes and trickle down my cheeks uncontrollably. i could not explain the phenomenon and worse still, no matter how hard i tried to hold back, more tears flowed... and the rest is history.

the most beautiful part was is that 11 years later, here i am, standing boldy proclaiming His goodness and mercy. It was because of what He done, here i am today. as i looked back, a deliquent, an outcast, someone that parents had lost hopes of their child making in life, simply hoping he wont embark on a wrong route of life; a wasted piece of clay when all hopes seemed lost, a dropout and a hopeless. Coming from the pits of helplessness and hopelessness to a life of joy, gratitude, goals and finally dreams. "For a man without a dream is a lifeless being." pressing on the higher calling says apostle paul.

as i look back, what i have is gratitude and True Joy. whereby a sensation deep down that cant be explained. what i can do and give is my life as a tool to be used for His kingdom sake. "for i was lost, and you found me. i was weak and you made me strong. i was poor and you made me rich; you stripped it all for my sake."

A New Beginning~

Oops~ i just realized that i have not updated my blog for a good 2 months! talk about faithfulness... oops~ sorry... :x

WimpyKid wishes you all a Happy Lunar New Year and Romantic Valentine's Day! :) Have been very busy lately due to studies especially! was quite sad coz my exam fell on the 7th day of CNY! :( thats the problem when you study a overseas Uni whose holidays do not coincide locally. haiz~ nvm~ its over... feeling a lil' depressed coz although the paper wasnt difficult.. simply don't understand how the school wants students to write quantitatively when you give us a meagre 2hrs 25mins to pirouette on and answer 1 essay qns and 3 short qns... and sadly... i couldnt finish my paper... by the time im done w the essay qns.. i used a good 1.25hrs.. whatever!! >,<

anyway, time really flies... back to reality after a good CNY and all that mugging, i realize that i... would... be... COMPLETING MY STUDIES IN ANOTHER 5MONTHS TIME!~ wooohoooo~ :D

when you look back, you liken the period that it was all "yesterday" but come to think of it.. i have been through this Life-cycle of working and studying for a good 4yrs+ and 4.5yrs upon completion... of course i know by the time i finish, my emotions/feelings/thoughts/etc would be of another level but RIGHT NOW! i feel that it really looked like very long and also very short :x (contradictoRy~ but life's a contradiction sometimes.. :p)

i was talking to my mum few days back, then it really seemed like a long time when you review the process itself. but i have to say, all is very well worth it. although she said that if i stayed on working in my 1st job (aft my NS), i would have travelled to countless places and yet, i laughed in my heart coz she don't know how much im currently earning @,@" wahahaha~ so funny~ i laughed coz i never forget how i slogged and worked my lungs and hearts out to earn a sub-std salary. although it was proli the best years of my life (fun!) where i made worthy friends and mentors, i worked like a REAL vampire, going for literally no leaves for 3-4mths and my house was like a hotel. lol~ really really memorable. i really appreciate those friends and mentors even till today because they showed me strength, courage, support, help and opportunities.

truly, the beginning is not important but going through the process and pressing on to the prize at the end that really matters. have i not decide to pursue a longer route, i think i would not have gain much and acquire companions that have helped me sacrificially on the way. BUT! even after this Jul, it doesnt end but a new beginning, route, chapter unfolds!

New Year 2010

its breathtaking to enter 2010 with a blink of the eye already... time passes us unexpectedly mercilessly indeed and age creeps on you without you knowing like coup de grace....?

i end 2009 with lots of emotions. memories and mixed feelings; at the same time, with innermost heartfelt intense gratitude. Before i get complained about being longwinded, to surmise 2009, it truly has been a rollercoaster ride; may i be humbled to use, how the world rided the economy? it comes to my memory as i write is, that the road that's straight is also narrow. from riding the "driver's seat" into the sky lines to dropping back to earth into the earth's core and back to reality again. my description: Intense, Exciting, Exasperating, Breathless, Touching, Joyous, Tearful, Heartbreaking, Heartwrenching, Nervebreaking, Angered, Confused, Ignorant, Oblivious, Challenged, Emotional, Mixed, Lost, Speechless, Found, Taught, Given, Reunited, Reconciled, Forgiven, Loved...

Positive Celebration and Praise becomes precious when you know you cant do them. Forgiveness and letting go becomes powerful when you know you cant do them.
Prayer and Surrender becomes a part of you when you know cant do them.
Love becomes you when you know you cant do them.

Lastly, there's many people that i want to thank for making a HUGE difference in my life and drawing beautiful strokes in my life painting. I cannot offer anything in return for your footprints but to say thank you and i love you all. you guys will surely receive a reward that is due to you because of what you guys did. As i was talking to my beloved manager today, it brings to my remembrance that "it is not how one starts the race, but how one ends the race." I want to remember if possible, all the beautiful carvings enacted into my memories, every little acts and gestures of kindness and love showered. To reminicse all of them and if possible return them with "compounded interest" to you all. The best has yet to come...

Together, lets live out our dreams with our borrowed lifes... i owe my life to every single one of you out there. Many Many Thanks... :)


starfield-unashamed

*a love that one cant explain....*